Last chance saloon

Only a little news to report thus far this week.

Got an email from the lady that I interviewed with. It contained a veiled question; would I work part-time? Err, no! That's bad news, as you generally only get asked that if you don't cut the mustard for a full time position! I'm giving it until Monday, before I officially give up hope on that front (and getting a job here in general!). After that, I shall start planning my return.

I am getting a little bored here now after 6.5 weeks of lounging around. May lope off to Indonesia on a day trip soon. I am also contemplating going to Hong Kong for a few days - you're only nearly young once!!!

Found my own chain-saw!

Further to Mrs. Stalker's excellent suggestion in the comments to this post, I am delighted to announce that I have found my own equally annoying method to deal with the problem!

As luck would have it, we were both in the sitting room when "Malcolm in the Middle" came on yesterday. The theme song is fairly infectious and very apt. It's by They Might Be Giants and contains the refrain - "You're not the boss of me now". Given that my nickname for herself is "Boss" and she hates it, this makes it the perfect response from me to any "suggestions" from her! Plus, my singing voice is torture, even to deaf people!!!!

It's efficacy has already been proved in the debut sing-a-long performance, which, at least, I enjoyed immensely!!! I shall have to sing it a capella in future, but I will enjoy the challenge!

Oldest woman alive?

Read an article in the paper today in which a doctor said having a baby added 10 years to a woman.

Now, while I don't deny that it is an unbelievable hardship to give birth, surely it couldn't be that hard on the female body? If so, my granny must surely be one of the oldest people alive. At 95 and having had (and not having had had any, Mrs Stalker!) 15 children, that gives her an effective age of 245!

Outside of the Old Testament, that's impressive!

Home is where the news is!

Changed my browser home page yesterday from Google to "My Yahoo!" in order to get RSS feeds. These allow you to see news/sports/entertainment etc. headlines from various sources, like the BBC and breakingnews.ie. It's great for things like keeping up with the news back home.

The only problem is it now takes me ages to get off the homepage when I log on!!!

"My Yahoo!" also lets you have panels for weather, stocks and so forth. I set up the weather last year to keep an eye on the 3 places I went regularly. I added Changi Airport in Singapore just before I left. Since I arrived, this weather panel has aways looks roughly like it does today:

Belmullet 2...7 C
Changi 25...30 C
Dublin 2...6 C
Galway 2...6 C

Read it and weep! If they'd only cure that humidity problem, I'd be sorted! I won't gloat too much, because it looks like I'll be back amongst you all fairly soon!

Diva!

The latest thing herself is complaining about is, wait for it, the viscosity of the milk!

I kid you not. I go to the trouble of doing the shopping, but nothing is ever good enough. It's the wrong type of wholemeal bread; it's Indonesian milk, not Australian or Malaysian; the milk is full fat, not low fat; the bananas are too small; it's the wrong type of yoghurt etc. This one takes the biscuit though: the low fat milk is too thick!

I think she can do her own blooody shopping from now on!!

Survival of the dumbest

The latest series of that show, Survivor, started recently here. Now, normally, I wouldn't watch this kind of tripe, but as most of you know by now, my choices are somewhat limited over here!

Now, I don't know about you, but if I was due to go on such a show (for the uninitiated, about 12 people are left alone in/on a jungle/tropical island to fend for themselves and compete for $1 million. Food, water and shelter not provided!), I'd have studied that SAS survival guide or some other such readily available tome. At the very least, I'd have put on extra weight and watched (again!) the enjoyable and educational Ray Mears survival series that was on BBC!!

What did these geniuses do? The woman made sure they looked good in a bikini and the guys buffed up in the gym, so as to look good on TV! None of them could find their ass with both hands and most of them are turning into walking skeletons!

If they had prepared correctly, life would be so much easier for the morons! Then again, the show would be probably even more boring than it is!!!

The seemingly never ending story!

This is your film critic reporting in again!

Went to see Spielburg's Munich today. At almost 3 hours long, I figured it would be a cool (literally) way to pass a lot of the day. As it turns out, thanks to the rain, it wasn't that hot today. The plan also backfired insofar as the film was so long that I got too cold in the fridge, err cinema, despite full battle gear!

Anyhow, I fail to see why this film was made. It was a long meandering and repetitive look at (some of the) Isreali retribution for the Munich Olympic murders. It had an ok beginning, an overlong and unexciting middle and a stupid ending. Along the way, It made half-assed attempts to show the Palestinian justification for their cause. It spent far too much time showing the "hero"'s relationship with a cook with a huge family! It spent the last half an hour or more showing the incredible hulk (Eric Bana!) getting more and more paranoid. Its pacing was all over the place. It made a big song and dance about 11 men being responsible and having to be assassinated and then spent 2 hours showing us about 4 hits (mostly the same) and 2 side missions. It covered the rest with 2 sentences of text and 30 seconds at the end! Also, you'd think it would have a decent ending having had us endure those 3 hours! No one comes out of it smelling of roses and correct me if I'm wrong, but if a story is overlong, repetitive, meandering and hasn't a decent ending, then it's not much of a story is it?!

Beats me how it got nominated for best picture at the Oscars. But then again, since when did the Oscars have anything to do with quality?!

Liven Up!

I never thought I'd say this, but what would I do for a Michael Lowry, P Flynn (or daughter!) , Liam Laylor (RIP) , David Mellor or hell, even Charlie Haughey, out here!

The news is so boring every night, it's unbelievable. The politicians all appear to be consciencious, hard working, altruistic and modest individuals. They don't get that much air time (even the big cheese) and when they do, they always seem diligent and self-effacing. It could be that I just don't watch enough news, I suppose (well, it is boring!).

Come on lads, liven things up!! You're not there for the good of the people; you're there to duck and dive! How about getting wild with a chick, blowing some "company" cash on some nice shirts or receiving some brown paper bags for land re-zoning?! At least waste a few gazillion on non-working computer systems or electronic voting, for goodness sake!!!

Spitting Image

Further to my post yonks ago on the apparent lack of manners in this parts, read a somewhat amusing article in the paper about Beijing and the run up to the Olympics in 2008.

To hopefully prevent us genteel Westerners from getting the wrong idea about them, the Chinese have a civilisation campaign going to "discourage" people from spitting in the street (a common and charming habit there, I believe) , littering, leaving pet poop in the street and the like.

Now that they have the important stuff addressed, if only they'd sort out free speech and other human rights, then they'd be sorted!

Love on the Rocks...

Well, I have some bad news (or good, depending on your point of view e.g. hello Mum!)

Unfortunately, it looks like the love boat has morphed into the Titanic and is going to hit a huge iceberg!

The main iceberg on which it is about to flounder is progeny production. Although that iceberg is a long way off at the moment, we are on a direct collision course with it! Previous rants by me are also a factor, but those could be worked on.

Without getting too personal (although herself gave me permission to post!), the upshot is that I can't see myself ever having sprogs at this juncture. Call me selfish, but that's the way I am. It's only natural that herself would want some, so I'm wasting her time in the long run. This is particularly true because she believes that she is no spring chicken anymore. I came onboard with the best of intentions, thinking that the iceberg might melt (so to speak!), but I'm afraid the opposite is probably true.

Given all that, and throw in the problems finding a job that I've described ad nauseam on this blog, it looks like abandon ship before the it starts listing and sinks into the abyss! A return to terra firma originalis in April is now on the cards! Ah well, twas good while it lasted!

Apologies for all the nautical references, me hearties!!!!

Eats, Shoots and Leaves

As if it wasn't bad enough having to obsess about correct spelling on this blog, I had the misfortune to come across and read that popular punctuation book by Lynne Truss in the library today. It sold loads of copies in the past few years, but I have to say that I didn't particularly enjoy her writing style. Still, the rules were spelt out and it now gives me something else to fret about!

Luckily; I,ve alway's been pretty. good at punctuation- so it won^t be th?at much of a problem for me:!!!

Daylight Robbery

During the course of our wide-ranging discussion at my 'free' lunch (read: extended interview!) yesterday, the lady told me some of the stunts that supermarkets pull over here.

Apparantly, they play "hide the trolley" in the car park, so you won't bother getting your $1 coin back. Even more invidious, perhaps, is the "special offer that we'll conveniently forget about at the till, because most people don't bother checking their bill" stunt. I don't know what is more amazing; the fact that they do this or the fact that everybody knows and it's not illegal and stamped out. I actually caught them doing this to me a few weeks back and had to go to customer service for a refund. They'd have to get up a lot earlier in the morning to get one over on me like that! I'll be monitoring them extra closely from now on!

And I thought the big chains were bad at home! The worst thing (that I can think of!) at home in this area is getting the wrong change, which strangely enough, is always less that what you should get, never more!

A Tale of Two Sittings!

Well, devoted brethren,

I have rushed back from my inquisition(s) to update you all on my performance (or lack of same!).

The first interview was (supposedly) at 11.30am (keep me sweating(literally) for about 15 mins) and went pretty well. There was only one interviewer and we got on pretty well. She's a nice lady - she even bought me lunch afterwards!! She is head of the Design School there, which is not a place a logic oriented, artistically two left-footed individual like myself would usually get a job. She said she needed someone to teach the more technical aspects to her students, so who knows?

After the free(?) lunch, had the other interview at the IT School, where I thought beforehand I would be a better match. Supposedly at 2pm (another 15 mins wait), this time it was a bit of a grilling from three IT nerds. Was anyone ever at an interview where it was obvious that you were not the person for (or going to get) the job?! It ain't pretty, and this was the worst one of those that I can remember! It was partly my fault - I put up a poor defence as I couldn't remember what exactly I applied for (well it was ages since I applied!). After all the preparation and reading reams of information, the one thing I forgot to re-read (the original job description) cost me. No harm - it was quite funny in an excruciatingly painful sort of way as I sidestepped one dodgy question after another! I could be a TD with some of the tangential responses/escapes I came up with!

Ah well! Should know within two weeks if I qualify for the formal interview for the first post. If I was a betting man, I'd bet against it, given her body language on parting. But then again, since when can I read women?!!!

The Polytechnic is about 30 mins from my flat by bus (against the traffic though). It's in a nice area actually beside a reservoir (very lake like!) and the grounds are very well laid out and maintained. The facilities look great. I got there early and went for a look around. The work week is very long (surprise surprise!) - from 8.30am to 6pm Mon-Thurs and a whopping half an hour off on Fri evenings! Lecture load about 23 hours a week (high by Irish standards - I averaged 4 or 5 hours in NUIG!). Their semesters go from April to Aug and Oct to Jan roughly, which is pretty odd. I'd have to lecture during Christmas! The good thing about it is that I landed here at just the right time when they were looking for next year's staff! They have accommodation for lecturers, but not students which is also odd by our standards!

Boy, was I glad to get home though and get out of the interview clothes! In the likely event that I fail in my endeavours to get one of these posts, I suggest that you get the bunting ready, as the outlook here will be grim!

So concludes my longest articulation thus far to you, my loyal acolytes!!!!

Stretching your money....

Not to keep going on about it or anything, but the exploitation out here is something else!

Read a story on the paper yesterday about a guy from Northern Thailand who works in construction here. He works 11 hours a day, 6 days a week for the princely sum of €14/day. He lives in what can only be described as a shantytown shed in the few hours he has off. The funny thing is that he appears to be as happy as Larry. Although it's crap money for us, he's paid off his 2 story house; bought a tractor, a motorbike and a college education for his sister! I know where I'm retiring to!!!!!

Try paying off a 2 storey house in Ireland now on €14 a day!!

Careering around!

I saw a job in the paper yesterday which appeared to be perfect for a person with a scientific and educational background who likes to read!

It was for a job as a "Publication Executive" with a book publishing company. That's a fancy title for an editor with added responsibilities! That's something I've always been interested in and thought I'd be good at. I seemed to match the qualifications and experience (well, sort of anyway!), so it might be a viable career change.

It'll probably come to nothing, but I lobbed in an application anyhow. Can't fault me for application (pun intended!).

The old home town looks the same...

Even though Singapore prides itself on being a garden city and has a lot of nice flowers and green areas, I haven't actually seen a blade of proper grass since I arrived!

What looks like grass here is, on closer inspection, actually a small weed like plant with a few leaves. Old Tom Jones wouldn't be too impressed!!!

Giveaway Budget

I've given out on occasion about the government here also, but again, credit where it's due, their budget (out yesterday) seems good and is unusual by Irish standards.

Instead of fannying around with tax bands etc (ala Ireland) or giving benefits via some sort of share scheme (here previously), everyone gets hard cash! How much you get depends on what your situation is, but more is assigned to the poor and elderly,which is only proper. According to the cursory glance I gave the paper today, individuals can get up to €600 and a certain type of family could get a grand or two (Euros). Poor students and national service (they are always going on about that here!) people get some cash too.

They probably use the funds garnered from fines to pay for it, and unfortunately I'll get nowt, but still it seems a good budget.

The fact that there's an election due soon is totally co-incidental! They must have been watching Bertie's tactics!!!!

Radio Head

I might have given out a tad about the TV here, but credit where it's due, the radio is very good here. I'm becoming wuite a fan.

They play great music and some of the DJs are quite funny. There's none of that mid-Atlantic crap either.

Singapore Job Idol

According to herself, Monday is only stage one of the process and it could be a long road ahead! Apparently, they interview you in stages here, each time with bigger brass until you reach the top man/woman. This could drag on for bloody weeks!

Will I get through the elimination phases? Hope there's no Simon Cowell on the interview panel!

Stay tuned, blogites!!!

Working for a song

At the other end of the dossing scale is the girl in the apartment here. She's after coming back from work just now at 11pm (starts 8.30am). That's a 14.5 hour day and as I said to her - I often worked less in a week!!!.

Her average day is about 12 hours long and she doesn't get any overtime. So for these 60+ hours a week, what princely sum does she earn? About €800/month! I'd probably stick to the iterary I listed in the previous post for that sort of cash (for a 40 hour week, nevermind 60+!).

She was in the same position as me - came here on spec (from Indonesia), was looking for a sponsor for 6 weeks until she had to take what she she was offered. She took the job and they took advantage of her! Ye olde pay them peanuts and work 'em very hard methodology that I mentioned before. I'd be on the plane home before I'd go down that route!

The 5 week itch!

Well folks,

It's 5 weeks today since I landed and I'm still a man of leisure. It's starting to wear a little thin now. Enjoyable as reading books/papers, playing computer games, blogging, playing pool, shopping, walking/jogging, watching TV and surfing the net is, none of it butters any parsnips!

These interviews on Monday come just before I reach the end of my tether. I fear that they are my only real chance of a start. I'm going in in a strong position - I don't really care either way. If I get one of the jobs, great - I'd like to give it a lash here with all the facilities and different teaching method. If I don't get any job on Monday, no worries - I'll probably come back home (unless something appears out of the blue in the next couple of weeks) and that's somewhat appealing also! It's a win-win scenario for me, which reduces the pressure on the day.

And remember that little rant I had last week? I'm biting my tongue at the moment!!!!

Ma-ho-ney mo thóin!!!

It's funny the way you think something is great when you're a young dumb ass!

When I first saw the original Police Academy film (I would never admit to seeing any of the sequels!) years ago as a young teenager (God, I'm getting old!), I thought it was great and yer man who could make the noises was the coolest dude ever.

Boy, was I wrong! Saw the film again the other day, and what a load of rubbish it is too! And those noises were extremely naff!!

Maybe I've just lost my youthful innocence (as well as my long gone youthfulness)!

Lies, damn lies and....

Some miscellaneous useless statistics from my observations thus far:

1. No. of Chinese taller than me: 4
2. No. of Chinese with a beard: 1
3. No. of Chinese with a smig: 1
4. No. of Chinese with a decent looking/non-mangy moustache: 0
5. No. of obvious Chinese lesbians: 2
6. No. of left-handed Chinese: 3
7. No. of Bangladeshis with good jobs: 0
8. No. of Indian millionaires/bullshitters on buses: 1
9. No. of relatively modest looking ang moh punching above their weight with the local lasses: n where 20 < n < 50!!!
10. No. of good looking Asian chicks: N, where N >>n !!!
11. No. of not so good looking Asian chicks: M, where M roughly equals N !!!
12. No. of good looking Asian guys: How the hell would I know!!!

Andele, andele, areeba!!

Found a few interesting books in the library on speed reading. That’s a valuable skill if you read a lot, be it for business or pleasure. The average person reads about 250-350 words per minute. JFK taught himself to speed read and could read 1200 words/minute. F D Roosevelt was known to read a book at a single sitting before breakfast. The world champion (when the book was written!) could read over 4000 words/minute and retain comprehension!

I was always a pretty fast reader, but with a few simple adjustments, I reckon that I’ve doubled my speed. Most of the tips are common sense, but easily overlooked, because we are all taught to read a certain way. You have to practice the more advanced manoeuvres to get up to 1000+ words per minute. I’m starting to notice a difference already. If only I had read such a book years ago!

0.5 points for the reference in the title!

Blowing my own trumpet!

I was pretty (read very!) bored just now and decided to see what other blogs looked like. If you click on the "Next Blog" link on the top right of the screen, it brings you to another, random blog.

Unfortunately, this doesn't not always work well. On 1 click, I happened across a Thai gay page with copious pictures of beefy men in skimpy jocks. Not pleasant! The only thing all the blogs that I did see (and were in English) had in common was that were they were all crap. Aren't you all lucky that mine is so good?!!!! Of course, everyone landing on mine by chance no doubt thinks it's complete rubbish, but what do they know anyway?!

I need to get that job before I'm so bored here, I start watching Chinese soap operas!!!

That John Denver is full of sh*t!

Just back from the obligatory Feb 14th romantic meal for two. We ended up in an Indonesian restaurant - everywhere was packed, given the night that was in it. The grub was pretty good, but we got shafted when we went to pay.

No harm - the real low point of the meal was when herself encouraged me to try a large bit of a chilli pepper. "It's not spicy at all, it's too big to be spicy", she said. "Just take the seeds out - that's what make it spicy", she said". To paraphrase Seve Ballosteros (as said to his caddie) - I don't blame her, I blame me for listening to her!!! The damn thing nearly burnt the mouth off me and there was next to no liquid left on the table. It reminded me a little of that scene from Dumb and Dumber when the 2 idiots hid the super hot chillis in the hitman's food!

Plus Ca Change, Plus C'est La Meme Chose!!

Ah la Francais - une belle langue (n'est pas, K?!!)! Those frogs do have the odd good phrase.

It seems that the left hand doesnt know what the right hand does out here either! After not a dickybird for nearly 3 weeks, I get 2 correspondences from the same department in the one day wanting to talk to me on 2 different days next week! I'm trying to schedule them together obviously, to save myself a hike. I'm not sure what happens if I pass one and fail the other. I guess I better ace the more important one!

And there was I going on about what a great place it appeared to be and it's as bad as NUI, Galway on the admin front! Let's hope there isn't a similar group of petty little squabblers (top man aside!) running the joint here. Wouldn't want my obdurate reputation to follow me here!!!

Stop Press!

No sooner than I had published the previous post, I finally got word about this mythical lecturing job that I applied for! I gave them a reminder stab via email last week, but not sure if that had any effect.

In any case, D-Day is next Monday. While you're all tucked up in bed, I'll be put through the wringer. However, I think she said informal interview, so maybe it won't be an inquisition.

So, start lighting those candles and/or chanting those mantras for me as it's probably my best (only!) shot at a job here!

Singapore Idle!

They are just starting the local version of Pop/American Idol here on TV. Needless to say they are plugging it relentlessly on the box!

If only it was called Singapore Idle, I'd definitely be in there with a shout!!!!

Happy Birthday!

A very special happy birthday wish to my granny, who is 95 today! Only 5 more years to the letter and the cheque from the president , so hang in there!

Congrats, granny and go easy on the booze when you're out on the lash tonight!!

My Valentine!

I had 8 hours less to prepare for the big day then y’all at home! (I know - I can say that about any day!). I had everything under control and herself seemed happy with her presents. Not that they were romantic or anything, of course. Well, most of them anyway! I decided to get things that I knew she liked/needed instead of stupid slushy stuff!

Anyway, it worked!

And why not?!

This is your transcontinental film critic again, folks! It’s a good way to pass some of the hot, humid day in a cool cinema (and it’s 50% cheaper at least than Irish cinemas!)! Unfortunately, it’s not possible to stay in the cinema and see multiple flicks ala the Galway Omniplex, but hey, whose bum can take 2 films back to back on those seats anyhow?!

Saw “Walk the Line”, a film about Johnny Cash and his (2nd) wife, June Carter Cash. It was very good and highly recommended even if you don’t particularly like the man in black. I’m sure my brother was the first man in the queue for a ticket when it opened at home. If old Johnny (RIP) has farted on tape, then he’s got a copy of it!!! I’m sure Johnny’s first wife or father wouldn’t be too happy with the flick, given their portrayals. Joachim Phoenix was unbelievable as the man himself – he even sings like him. He should be in the running for an Oscar for that performance. Reese Witherspoon was pretty good too, I thought.

They sell a lot of video CDs over here, in addition to DVDs. Video CDs are practically unheard of at home, but you can think of them as a poor man’s DVD! They put the film on a couple of CDs with no bells and whistles and they cost usually less than half of the DVD version. I wondered what the quality would be like, so I bought one the other day out of curiosity to try out on my laptop. Got “Serenity”, which had received favourable reviews. It was a good sci-fi film, with a plot that seemed to be taken straight out of a computer game! It was pretty hard to follow, especially if you have to explain what just happened to a non-native English speaker, thereby missing the crucial next bit! Must watch it again toute seule while herself is at work! The quality was better than expected to be honest, but when I say no bells and whistles, I mean it! The prompt you get to change disks is a black screen!! And forget about scene selection, superfluous sycophantic interviews and the like.

For those interested, region 1 (US) and region 3 (Asia) DVDs are widely available here. The region 1 disks are specially imported and dearer (by maybe 20-30%) as a result. The local region 3 format disks are quite reasonable and roughly the same price as in Ireland, except for new releases, which may be a bit cheaper here. That concludes your consumer report for today!

By the way, 1 point for the title reference this time!!!

Souper Duper!

As well as acclimatising to the heat, I can happily report that I think I have the diet sussed as well. Having learnt lessons from my previous sojourns in the Orient, I have managed to, err, steady the dietary ship, so to speak.

This means minimising my rice intake and eating a lot of noodle soup! There are counters in food halls here where you can choose your own soup ingredients. They'll whip up a broth with them on the spot and throw in some noodles as well. It's very nice, even if I don't know what most of the ingredients are!!!!!

Zero Tolerance!

Read on the paper the other day about a guy who robbed a lottery outlet here of about €2000 at gunpoint. The sap was caught (by 2 unarmed people) and faces the death penalty if convicted (unlikely that he won't!).

I think the death penalty, which appears somewhat harsh for that particular crime, is because he used a gun. You'd think he'd go for a bigger prize, if that's the risk he was taking! They sure know how to discourage crime here!

Aidan Hobbs!

Picture, if you would, an island country of around 4 million people with 2 main mobile phone companies and 1 smaller company. Imagine that these people are fanatical about their mobiles and are among the highest users in the world. Sound familiar? It should. But it's not Ireland, it's Singapore!

The main difference is that Irish people get ripped off in the cosy duopoly of the big two. It makes me laugh everytime I hear an executive trying to justify the exorbitant prices they charge. All they say is that Irish users love their mobiles and use them more than people in other countries! In most (if not practically all!) business models, the more a customer uses/buys, the cheaper the product gets, so that "explanation" is fatuous. So they keep on creaming the profits, making hundreds of millions of Euros a year from you and me (I still have my Irish mobile!).

Out here, the two main players are truly competing, resulting in great deals. Further to one of my earliest posts (here), I just got my first phone bill the other day. Cheap rental with a lot of minutes/texts free. In addition, international texts are about 1/3 of the price they are in Ireland. As the Yanks say, go figure. The only difference between the countries is that Ireland covers a far larger geographical area and hence would need more masts. I'm sure the large housing density and underground system here counters that chestnut to a large degree.

That concludes my consumer rant for the day!

Writer's Block!

The free internet has been patchy over the past few days, so don't expect the same voluminous amount of posts!! I finally managed to connect this morning after a bit of a battle. Honestly, you'd think good neighbours would leave their unsecured Wi-Fi networks on!

Of course, at any rate, the amount of posting is proportional to my inspiration!

She wheeled her wheelbarrow…

Myself and herself went downtown to Singapore’s premier Irish bar last night. What a disappointment! It’s called “Molly Malones” and apparently was imported brick by brick from the auld country.

Well, for a start, they could have picked a much nicer pub to import, if they were going to go to that much trouble! That it was full of half canned Yanks and Brits didn’t help much either. It's not a real simulation of an Irish pub because smoking is allowed! Not having been subjected to that rank odour for a long time made it even worse. Apparently, the Irish bar around the corner from me here doesn't allow smoking, so it's a more accurate Irish pub!

It was in a nice part of town, so we vamoosed out of there fairly sharpish and went for a moonlit walk by the river (with the hundreds of others and the hawkers every 5 feet trying to get us into their restaurants!!). Who says romance is dead?!

Dossers/Slackers Beware!

Following on from my post on old age pensions (or lack of same!) here, I found another reason why income tax is so low here. There is no dole, rent allowance, free medical card, fuel vouchers, shoe vouchers, emergency money etc! If you don’t work, you live al fresco!! The only thing on offer here is $10,000 (€5000) off your mortgage for each kid you have (government apartments only). No wonder you don’t see any asylum seekers here!!!!!! Still, they might be taking things too far here. Saw a relatively young “scavenger” hitting the food court in a commando raid the other day, eating leftovers. Not a pleasant sight.

You have to wonder if Ireland has gone too far the other way though. There’s no excuse for not having a job in Ireland now. With all the benefits people lose however, they’d nearly need €50,000 and a company car to make the job worth it! Nothing like the fear of being hungry or homeless to get a lazy git off the couch though!

That’s my social comment for the day!

Pipe Down!

Just my luck to have a soprano living in the same block. She likes to practice with her (impressive) pipes almost every evening. Although I quite like classical music, I’m not really an opera fan. You have to be in the mood for this mama anyway (I’m not, as I type!). The songs themselves aren’t too bad. The bloody long warm ups though are a different matter.

I wouldn’t like to be her doctor and make the mistake of asking her to say “aaagghh”!!

Oiling the wheels of "democracy"!

Went to the cinema yesterday to see Syriana, a film about oil and the Middle East. It makes you proud not to be an American! The things that George & Co will do to keep that black gold pumping into their huge SUVs are pretty despicable.

The film wasn’t as good as I thought it would be, but it was still worth seeing. George Clooney was good in it – even spoke bits of Farsi and Arabic pretty convincingly. Looks like he had to eat a lot of pies in preparation for the role!

I went prepared myself this time – wore my sweatshirt into the cinema/deep freeze. Only my bottom half froze this time. Full battle kit the next time, even if I roast en route!!!

Red Tape

Well, Blogites,

Your humble correspondent had to go to the immigration office today to extend his month visitor visa to 3 months.

Or at least that's what I intended to do. After 3 hours waiting in various queues (including the same queue twice as I hadn't the necessary form, a pen to fill out the necessary form, a photo to affix to the necessary form or any means of affixing a photo to affix to the necessary form first time around!), I was finally interviewed for about 5 minutes. To make matters worse, it was absolutely pelting down rain when I got out of the buiding (think of a large outdoor power shower!), so I got soaked also!

The good news is that the lady told me that with proof of my qualifications and a local sponsor, it would be easy to get a longer visa. The bad news was since I didn't have a sponsor, she would only give me a one month extension. This is despite the fact that a girl in the apartment with far less qualifications got the 2 month extension with no problems. So, if I'm to stay here, I have to go through that rigmarole every month. I don't think so! Time to plan a short trip abroad for 4 weeks time!

As I said before, if the job front doesn't improve soon (not likely to, the way things are going), I guess I'll have no choice but to return home anyway. I have provisionally booked the return flight for early April. That'll have been 3 months trying and a long enough holiday for anyone! Herself wasn't too happy when I mentioned this "doomsday scenario" (for her!) in passing the other day. That's understandable, I guess - would you be happy losing a person as wonderful as me?!!!!!!!!

My Mudder, my Fadder

There are quite a lot of ads on the one TV channel worth watching over here. What's worse is that they play the same ones over and over again. One of them uses The Cranberries song "Dreams". I used to quite like that song, but now I'm fit to attack the TV with a crowbar everytime I hear it!

If Delores & Co get royalties from every play, then she'll be able to upgrade again soon to an even bigger mansion (and hire a better nanny!)!!!

Slim Pickings!

I've noticed that like in America, there are loads of ads here for gut busting, fat nuking magic diet pills and the like.

For the like of me I don't know why because, unlike America, there doesn't appear to be many lard arses out here! Maybe they are just obsessed with staying skinny. And before someone says it, I do feel at home here, on that front at least!

Smooth Operator!

Just tried out my new superduper mach 5000 turbo squared power razor for the first time! Wow - it does exactly what it says on the tin! Never had such a smooth shave with no irritation! Mind you it has enough blades and other accoutrements to do it. I purposely didn't shave yesterday to give it a good work out (that's my excuse for taking a day off from my record breaking run of 24 consecutive days of shaving - see, I've started letting myself go already!).

This razor has a battery in it to stimulate the hair into sticking up a bit further so you can nab more of it. Surely the best battery powered MALE personal product!!!!

Forget Atkins, Zone, South Beach etc!

Well all (ladies in particular, perhaps!), I have good news and bad news on how to lose weight without the need to diet or exercise. It's 100% safe and completely true!

While reading (yet) another book in the library, I discovered that I have lost weight simply by moving to Singapore! Yes, it's true. Moving to the equator automatically makes you lighter - it's a scientific fact (non-geeks skip ahead to next paragraph!). It's because the centripetal force (which counteracts gravity) generated by the rotation of the earth is maximised around the equator.

Since I'm only about 1 degree above the equator, I'm reaping practically all of the rewards! That's the good news. The bad news is that its only in the region of 0.1% of body weight compared to living in Ireland. Every bit helps though, eh girls?!!!!!

Keeping abreast of politics!!

The "Fianna Fail" of Singapore are called PAP (People's Action Party), which I thought was a funny acronym for a political party!

My personal definition of pap was something that was rubbish/nonsense/inconsequential, so they are very like Bertie's boys!!!!

I checked the definition of pap in a few online dictionaries and sure enough my definition was correct. So, not the best acronym for a political party in an English speaking country then! What I didn't know was the other definitions for pap:

1. Slang use - money & favours obtained as political patronage (so not great for use by a political party then!)
2. Soft food for babies (again, not the greatest for politics - something digestible by infants)
3. Most entertainingly, a nipple or something shaped like a nipple!! Or as one dictionary poetically put it: "the small projection of a mammary gland"!

So they are a shower of tits out here - Fianna Fail, mark 2 definitely!!!!!!!

Go East, young man!

From my observances to date, it seems easy for a relatively aesthetically challenged ang moh (westerner) man to land a relatively aesthetically well endowed oriental lady! In short, if you're an ugly git, this is the place to be!!!

This is just an observation, not a complaint - obviously, people in glass houses don't fling boulders about!!

Toilet Humour!

Not that I am guilty of this offence or getting grief for doing it, but herself announced (possibly by way of a pre-emptive warning!) some time ago that she hated finding the toilet seat up. Luckily, there are 2 other guys in the apartment that I can blame!

This seems to be another of those universal female things. I mean, I have never, ever heard of a guy complaining about finding the toilet seat down! If it's down, we'll raise it up and proceed (or just proceed in some vulgar cases!). We figure it's a 50:50 chance (in a mixed house!) that it'll be up already, and if not, hey, you win some and you lose some. Why finding the seat up irritates some women to a large degree is beyond me! I wouldn't mind but, unlike us poor men folk, you gals don't have to fight gravity like we do when lifting the seat up! It's easier from an energy expenditure standpoint to put the seat down when you have that 9.81m/s^2 of g-force assisting you! But do we complain, whine or bitch about it? Hell no, because we're troopers!!!!

One of my favourite "practical jokes" is to leave the toilet seat up in an all female house that I'm visiting. That's bound to annoy at least one of the residents! It's even sweeter when you don't have to go, but pop into the can and lift the seat anyway!!!!!!!!!!

That's another fine mess....

Singapore is jokingly referred to as a fine city/country because you can be fined for almost anything out here!

Eating/drinking/smoking in certain public areas, a myriad of traffic offences, chewing gum and littering are just some of the vast array of fineable actions. Most of those offences just mentioned are sensible, but the "enthuastic" enforcement leaves something to be desired! You see signs all over the place banning this and that. I'm sure there's a fine for farting, which is bad news for me!!!!!!! As mentioned before, God help you if you're caught with drugs, because the hefty fine will be the least of your worries! Not that I'd have any sympathy there.

With all that cash they generate from fines, you'd think they'd look after their elderly citizens (see previous post) better, wouldn't you?!

0.34 points for the reference in the title, as it's an easy one!

Out with the old......

Ah, the sky is blue, the birds are singing, the rain has stopped and the jackhammer is hammering away across the road! I feel better today after getting that rant off my chest last night!!!

It's Monday morning, but that's not a problem, as I haven't found a low paying, long hours with next to no time off job yet! The latest great news on the job hiring front is that Singaporean companies are very ageist as well. Over 30 is considered to be getting past it out here. Yippee!

Read an article last week about a woman getting shafted in her job because of her age and she was only 45! To make matters worse, the old age pension is so low out here (worse for women, who usually don't have enough credits built up as they work less), that unless one of your kids looks after you, you will have to take a menial job cleaning in a food court to survive. Couple those 2 factors together and it's God help you if you lose your job in your 40s! Indeed you do see some really old people working there, usually long hours and getting paid peanuts of course. First world economy? I don't think so!

Not surprisingly then, the main reason that a lot of people in Asia (e.g. China and here) have kids is so that they will have someone to look after them when they get old. That's pretty selfish, but understandable, given the bleak outlook. Maybe people in the West have kids for the same reason, but it's not so obvious. Despite their best plans, some people don't toe the line, thus forcing their elderly parent(s) to take a menial job. You'd have to wonder what kind of person would force his/her 75+ year old mother to do such a thing. Makes you proud to be human, doesn't it?

That's my thought for today!

A week is a short time in holidaymaking

The job picture just keeps getting better and better.

Was just talking to 2 of my flatmates. They only get 7 days holidays a year here (on top of the crap money and long hours!). Don't know what the position is on taking sickies, but I'm sure it's frowned upon!

Far away fields....

...are always greener, aren't they, folks?!

When I was a single man, I wanted to be in a relationship. Now, I'm in a relationship and.....!!! I think that it's significant to note that it took about 3 years for the former yearning to manifest itself and pehaps 3 weeks for the latter to rear it's ugly head!!! That neatly gives a ratio of 52, which is the amount of times more I'm happier single than spoken for!!!!!

Honestly, I'm beginning to wonder how I ever managed to:

1. Dress
2. Shop
3. Do laundry/iron
4. Wash Dishes
5. Wash/groom myself
6. Sweep a floor
7. Brush my hair

Now while most men (myself included!) would rejoice at not being allowed/trusted to do any housework, this constant carry on does erode one's confidence. I don't know how I survived since leaving home at 17 or managed to keep a house in decent nick at all! As stated before, no one can argue that I didn't need some help on some of the above topics, but give me a break!

Last night I met her at a shopping centre. She proceeded to amend to her liking (in rough chronological order) my pants/shorts, my socks, my polo shirt and my hair. The only (visible!) thing she didn't change were my trainers. A snide remark about those was sufficent! There's androforming (See here for definition!) and then there's control freaks!!! And then there's the ongoing "metrosexualisation" attempts!

Are the wheels starting to loosen on the passion wagon? Will I finally blow a gasket (inevitable!!)? Stay tuned for the next thrilling installment!

Maybe I'm just designed to be single, or is it just the wrong other half?!

Comments, anybody?! Preferably none of the "give it time" variety as I'll be driven doo-lally probably!

And don't call me Shirley!

Just went for a constitutional around the area after an Indonesian dinner of fish cakes with tofu embedded in them. Tastes nicer than it sounds! They were imported personally by a girl in the apartment here just back from her New Year trip home.

Anyway, I digress! I found, interestingly enough, that there is a St Patrick’s Road right around the corner from me! That’s interesting (well, sort of!) because I’m Irish of course and also because I haven’t seen any other Catholic sounding street names on maps or in person since I came here.

Bit further up the road, I came upon a minor traffic accident. There was a cop in attendance and he was driving a Suburu Impreza WRX (for those not in the know, basically a road version of their souped up rally car). Nice wheels – if only I didn’t have flat feet, wasn’t half blind, wasn’t a citizen or too old, I’d go for a job here as PC Plod!

2.03 points for the TV reference in the title. It’s a little obscure, perhaps.

Sleeping on the Job!

No, of course I'm not talking about my work ethic!

On the way home last night from the parade, I noticed a light on on the 2nd floor of the apartment block that is under construction across the road from my gaffe.

On closer inspection, I noticed clothes hanging on the unfinished balcony. I mentioned it to herself who nonchalantly informed me that construction workers lived on the site! Turns out to be common in these parts with Banglaseshis and the like. They get paid so little (for back breaking work and long days) that they can't afford to rent a place. So, they "live" in the building shell while it's being built! I thought this was unbelievable - that in a so called first world country you could exploit people so blatently. The picture above shows the view from the balcony of my apartment, showing the site where the boys eat, sleep and work.

Turns out that the builders of herself's parents' house in Jakarta were the first people to live in it also!

Pride....in the name of love

Myself and herself were at yet another Chinese New Year parade last night, complete with dragons etc. The parade was called "Chingay" and was down "Main St" in central Singapore.

I know what some of you are thinking! Despite the profusion of pink, it was not a gay pride march, Chinese style!

This parade even had an Irish contigent - a Wexford version of Macnas with large puppets etc. with gigantic hurls and sliothers! It was a nice evening, even if we did a tour of Singapore (got on the wrong bus!) before getting home!

Buttering up the right way

I suspect that my last post will make me as popular with herself as Hans Christian Anderson (if he was alive) or Peter Schmeical would be in Mecca at the moment!!

Don't think sales of butter cookies are doing too well in these parts right now!

Wibbly Wobbly Wonder

Well, I joked before I left that I'd get a month's grace before the hard questions got asked, but in the end they arrived exactly on the 3 week mark! Only some Olympic standard fudging saved me from possible serious commitment (lads, altogether now - phew!!!!!!).

More disturbingly, the inquisition was followed by a real wobbler from "herself". Worrying times indeed, my adoring acolytes! It was bad enough this week to find grey chest hairs and now this! Normal service has resumed today however, thankfully. Maybe it was the imbibing of alcohol that was to blame. Must remember to lock the drinks cabinet!!

Sign 'O' The Times!

Well, "herself" has finally plucked up the courage to read this modest attempt at a blog.

Surprisingly, she is still talking to me. The only thing she didn't like was my usage of her actual name. To that end, henceforth on this site, she will be known as "herself". This is not a problem, as I had started to do this anyway. It has been a habit of mine down through the years not to refer to my better halves by their actual name ( the pain is just too much!!!!!). It also seems to annoy a lot of woman that I avoid the actual name, use "herself" or some playful variant of the actual name (COWlette, anybody?!!!), so that's another reason to use the "indistinct nonclemature"!!!!

So it's "herself" or alternatively, TAFKAY (the amour formerly known as Y***e!!) from now on.

Thank you, Fans!

Thanks everyone for all your posts. Tiger D was picking up most of the slack for a while with his trojan amount of posting, albeit to nitpick or to deride me. However, there has been a flurry of posts and emails lately, so thanks for all that. It's nice to know this blog is not just a public forum for Tiger D and me to display our immaturity!!!!!

Let's keep it going and make my blog the best blog by a 6 foot or over Belmullet man who used to own a Ford Focus and who has decamped to Singapore in search of love!!!!

Please Sir, can I have some more?

Just to prove that I will write about just about anything, this post is on porridge!

I will admit to missing my porridge since landing here. I tried eating regular cereal, but it was too sugary and only made me hungry again shortly afterwards. As Gerry Ryan said about cornflakes once, I may have been better off eating the packaging!

They do have porridge out here, which they call oatmeal (ala the yanks). They also have porridge, which to the locals means a kind of soup with rice and meat (i.e. fish or chicken) which is eaten as a dinner. So, you can imagine the confusion when I mention to herself that I'd like porridge first thing in the morning!

I finally got round to buying my own gruel a few days ago. Before, I was put off by the fact that there's no microwave in my gaffe and it makes an unholy mess in a suacepan. But I could go no longer without it, and as it turns out, the pan is non stick and very easy to clean! The sweet Aussie milk gives it an interesting taste also. Happy days!

It's like been re-united with your beloved - that warm glow in the stomach that lasts for ages!

Stay tuned for a discourse on watching paint dry next, only on aidaninasia!!!!

Taking it Handy

Hi devoted readers!

I went for a stroll along the Singapore "prom" the other day again and saw another unusual custom (well, at least I hope it was a custom!).

It was a public holiday and the beach was thronged. Saw a significant number of men walking around hand in hand. These were not Chinese guys, but looked Bangladeshi. Then I remembered what my personal SE Asia expert told me about her time in those parts - that it was quite normal for amigos there to perambulate in such a manner.

Now, with no offence (and I'm sure the feeling is completely requited!), but there's no way on God's holy earth that I would ever go for a stroll hand in hand with any of my male friends!! Hell, I'm not sexist - I wouldn't even do it with my female buddies!!

Book him, Aidano!!!!

At least this period of unemployment has allowed me to camp in the nicely air conditioned library across the road for several hours every day.

It's a very good one and I've already read books on diverse topics such as IT (games programming in particular for upcoming interview), screenwriting, world war 2 heroines, business, poker, world history, magic tricks, sport, films and music.

I may well soon be the most well read slacker in Singapore! I hope I get a job before, to paraphrase Uncle Anthony (RIP), my head explodes!!!

0.1 points for the TV reference in the title, as it's an easy one!

Do I not like that!

Following on from my last post about job hunting (http://aidaninasia.blogspot.com/2006/01/job-news.html), I've just been perusing the bulletin board of a web site for ex-pats here (I know, smart alec, I could have done that before I left!).

The consensus is the same as mine - that the money is very bad in IT and the hours are very long. As I said before, fat chance of me going for that!

1 point to the first person who gets the soccer reference in the title! Hint: think of a root vegetable!!

The winds of change

Stop press - there was actually a cool breeze last night here and it was almost "not hot"!

Or maybe I've just acclimatised. Either way, it's all good!

Christmas comes early over here!

Well, the Chinese new year festivities have more or less come to an end (although technically it's 15 days long, I think). It's very like Christmas at home - There are a few days public holiday and everyone goes home and/or visits their family members. A present ('hong bao') is also given to younger family members. It's usually a small amount of money to each young niece, daughter, brother etc. Yulie reckons however that she would still get it (maybe about 100 Euros or more in her case) from her parents if she was at home, as she is still single. Apparently, if she gets married, she has to start giving it to her parents. No wonder they want to marry her off! At least it's a reason for her to stay single!!! (phew!!!!!)