So long, and thanks for all the fish!!!

Couldn't resist one final book/movie reference, so 0.5 marks for the easy one in the post title!

Well, now that I am back, I guess it's time to retire this modest effort. None of you would want to read AidaninGalwayagainforthetimebeingatleast.blogspot.com!

I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.

True friends......!

Despite the cold and the wet, it's great to be back among the family and friends again.

Big thanks to Diarmuid and Lucy for the B&B and the pampering last night! You really miss your good friends when you're away and yesterday I was reminded why! It was great to have a comfortable bed again. Managed to stay awake last night until tiredness finally got me at 9pm. Had a great 10 hour kip, so I think that I have licked the old jet lag.

Now, I only have to find a place to live, a car, a job and a meaning to life! Ideas, anyone?!!

Honey, I'm home!

..and call the welder - it's bloody freezing here! It's the end of March for God sake, not mid winter! Maybe I should have stayed out there another month or two!

I had a very pleasant 13 hour flight (as 13 hour flights go!) from Singapore to Frankfurt. It was by far the best long haul flight that I’ve ever had, despite certain things weighing heavily on my mind. I think that I even managed to sleep for about 5 or 6 hours, which is a first for me on an airplane. Also, I had an aisle seat and there was no one in the seat beside me, which made things a little more comfortable. My trusty PSP (PlayStation Portable) kept me occupied for most of the time I was awake, listening to mp3s and trying to beat Retief Goosen in Tiger Woods 2006!

On this flight, I got a seat two rows from the galley, so I thought, great, no big wait for grub. However, the trolley dollies went down the back of the cabin and worked their way back up. How come when I am sitting down the back, they start at the front and work their way down?! That’s Murphy's law in action again, I guess. I got a nice view of the sunrise over the Black Sea from 30,000 feet. Tried to take a picture of it, but the airplane window ruined it!

Singapore airport is fantastic as well. As well as the obligatory shopping, it has free internet PCs, laptop stations, rooms to lie down in, a gym, comfy sitting area with huge screen TV (with smaller plasma screens also) and numerous other nice touches for the bored and/or tired traveller. So kudos to the powers that be there.

Hasta la vista, Singapore!

Well folks,

This is my final dispatch from chez moi, Singapore. In about 3 hours, I shall start tucking my tail between my legs and begin the long retreat homeward! Oh well, nothing ventured and all that!

Mother nature is kindly helping me re-acclimatise; it has rained heavily for the past 2 days, making them the coldest days (only about 25 degrees!) since I've been here.

I'd like to thank you all for taking the time to read my musings/ranting and for the many kind words of feedback received. I hope you all derived even a little enjoyment from it at some stage. I'd like to thank all who took the time to comment on the site (even Tiger D, champion poster and abuse giver!!!). I must admit the blog worked far better than I ever expected. It also served a real purpose in keeping me occupied during my futile search here for gainful employment. Truth be told, I think herself was getting a little annoyed with the time I was spending on it! But I couldn't desert you, my fans, my loyal fans!!!!

I better sign off now before I'm overcome by delusion! I look forward to seeing you all again soon. I shall post again on landing. Until then, good night, and good luck (to steal yet another movie line!)

And so, the end is very near...

It's my last day here and I don't feel great. Came down with a cold/flu yesterday and generally felt bad. Luckily, I am far better this morning after dosing up on vitamin c and paracetamol last night. It's bad enough going on a long flight at the best of times, never mind when you're poorly.

I hope it's not bird flu anyway! I don't want to bring that back with me - they may quarantine me in Dublin airport!!

10 things not to miss about Singapore

I will not miss the following things! In approximate order:

1. The unbelievable bad manners/lack of common courtesy out here
2. The damn humidity and oppressive heat (there's a surprise inclusion!)
3. Exploitation of the poor foreigners (especially maids and construction workers)
4. Seeing (really) old people having to work in food courts, because they are not taken care of properly by the government and/or their families.
5. Ants, geckos and other assorted creepy crawlies!
6. The bad TV, particularly the incessant and repetitive advertising.
7. My apartment (not the most comfortable or best equipped place that I have ever stayed in!).
8. Spicy food (what's the point of getting the mouth burnt off you?!)
9. Getting bossed about a bit (although that has practically stopped!)
10. Sticking out like a sore thumb! (going back to where being a pale ang moh is de rigeur!)

10 things to miss about Singapore

I will miss the following things about this little anal oddity of a place when I depart tomorrow. In no particular order after the first 2 items:

1. Herself (obviously).
2. The library (my main sanity saviour!)
3. Custard Bread and kaya (bellisimo!)
4. Clean city with flowers, shrubs, parks etc
5. Durian ice lollies (only found these today, but fantastic!!)
6. No need for a jacket, ever
7. No cold feet problem (very important!)
8. Cheap food, taxis and almost everything else!
9. Excellent integrated transport system (Dublin take note!)
10. This blog! (another sanity saver!)

Time almost up

Well folks, it's my last full day here today since I'm flying out at 23:59 tomorrow night! Talk about maximising your visa - that's 60 seconds before mine expires! I'm not looking forward to the following 24 hours as they are likely to be sleepless. On the other hand, I will be getting closer to you all during this time (except for the 5 hour lay over in the Fatherland!), so that's, err, some consolation for me!!

Usually I'm glad to be heading home, as I was on my round the world extravaganza last August. This time, I must admit to mixed feelings; part of me would like to stay for some reason that I'm not 100% sure of. However, I can't stay on the lam forever and I'd have to come back anyway, regardless.

Let the next phase of the life of Reilly begin - I hear Buenos Aries is delightful in April!!!!!!

Raffles Hotel

In response to a request for info on the above mentioned hotel, here is what little I know about it!

While I'd like to say that it's a bit of a lottery staying there (groan...!), apparently it's all very swank! If it's a taste of old school Blighty before the sun started setting on the Tan empire you're after (which by your request, appears to be the case!), then you're going to the right place. Don't be surprised if you see a retired British colonel in hunting attire in the lobby! There's also quite a number of colonial type buildings such as museums in the vicinity, which admittedly look nice! Copious amounts of info on their swanky web site, which you no doubt have already perused!

On a wider note, recommended things to see are Sentosa Island (south, by cable car or bridge, the former recommended!), the zoo or night safari (a bit out of the way but worth it, haven't seen the latter myself) and maybe the Chinese gardens which are a bit of a hike to the west (haven't been there either!).

And despite what you say, it's impossible for women to resist the allure of shopping here, especially since most things are considerably cheaper. Most shops are reputable, but never buy from a place where the price is not displayed on items (especially small electronics shops), unless you like getting fleeced! Always carry drinking water with you and when you get sick of the high life in Raffles, try some of the cuisine at local food courts - it's cheap, different and quite tasty! Just don't ask what you're eating beforehand.......!

Irish Prancing!

Here’s Riverdance, Singapore style! Now, I’m no expert, but they put on a good show. they were hopping and lepping about with great enthusiasm, local and Irish looking kids alike. The Asian Michael Flatley in the middle there was particularly impressive in his solo performance!

Malaysian Prancing

This pic shows the aforementioned Malaysian dancers in action. They were a big part of the parade and the entertainment afterwards. And nice exotic looking girls they were too!

Speaking of nice looking exotic women and all that, a lot of the Irish guys seem to have done well on that front. The odd Irish woman has nabbed a local man also, by the looks of it!

The Sheehy Sisters!!

Pictured in the green dresses are the Sheehy sisters, or more accurately, the “She-he” sisters! Now, I don’t know whether they are women, men, transvestites, transsexuals or ladyboys, but for some reason they were there on parade also! They are hardly ladyboys as they aren’t good looking enough, I reckon (not that I'm an expert on the topic, you understand!)! The one on the right is particularly "exotic"! I have a close up of her/him if anyone is brave enough!!!

Paddy's Day Parade

I dragged herself off to the inaugural St. Patrick’s Day parade here in Singapore yesterday. Although the parade was pretty small, there was a good crowd there and a nice party atmosphere at the end point. Afterwards, there was Irish dancing, Malaysian dancing (I don’t know why either!) and an Irish band performing outside the nearby Irish pub.

The photo shows the ubiquitous dragon (at every parade out here!). Some of the locals really got into it, wearing shamrocks, green etc. If you look closely at the middle of the picture, you’ll see a tricolour wig proudly worn by a local!

I met a few Mayo people there and the Mayo jersey proved to be a conversation starter again! There was a gang over with the women’s football (Mayo at least being good at that!) who are here on tour this year. I tell ya, they’re hardy women – those footballers! You could tell one a mile off as they were all built like brick sh*thouses!!!!!!!!! They were as broad as they were tall. I wasn’t going to start any arguments anyway!!!

Hit list

This is my 171st post on this blog, which works out at an average of about 2.5 per day since my very first post on Jan 5th (before I got into my stride!).

Given that I have only a few days left here, I'd like to compile a list of the most popular of my posts during my time here. So, I'd appreciate it if you would tell me which post you enjoyed the most (and least, while you're at it!), if you can. You can tell me the post title or just what it was about. Simply comment on this post or send me an email. I will not publish the comments until after the result is known, and not at all, if requested.

This is for my own interest and I will publish the top/bottom 3 when known!

Thanks!

Gripping TV!

Ever try lugging a 28 inch TV up 3 flights of stairs in humid conditions?! Not a pleasant experience. I was sweating bullets and it only took a few minutes! The TV was hard to grip at the best of times, but sweaty paws exacerbated the situation considerably!

Herself got a call this morning from the maid (who looks after the place for the landlady), asking for my assistance in carting the TV up from the ground floor. This is one of these maids who works about 12 hours a day (at least), 7 days a week for a pittance. Part of her brief is lugging things around, some of which are quite heavy. What a gig, eh?

Still, we managed in the end, so thankfully I have a TV for the last few days. It'll save me setting up the tuner on the laptop all the time.

Gary Gecko RIP

It is with great sadness that I report the untimely passing of Gary Gecko, late of my kitchen. Gary lived life to the fullest in his few short years with us. He will be sorely missed by his parents Gertrude and Gus, brothers Gordon and Giles, sister Greta, cousins and many friends. No flowers please. Donations to Lizards for Life.

How the little git got into our fridge will probably never be known. How he got out is less of a mystery; Reilly Creature Removals was called into action again (Hi Marie!)!

Singapore Sybarites, part 2!

This picture shows me after I finally stopped eating! I must say that the grub was very nice. We should know - we practically tried everything during our 2.5 hour lunch! That's easily my record duration for lunch. I have since gone into "camel mode" and will not eat again until tomorrow at the earliest!

Although it's possibly a bit late in the day to start meeting inlaws, it went pretty well. She was probably as impressed with my good looks and charm as I was with her appetite!!!

Singapore Sybarites!

Went for lunch today with herself to a place she's been talking about for weeks. We met her cousin there too - my first time meeting one of the inlaws.

The restaurant serves you a main course and you can eat as much as you want from the salad bar, soup kitchen and fruit/desert tray. Bad idea, as it's a red flag to a bull for an Irish man (even me!). The picture shows me after a ginormous feed (just as well I got a picture of it, eh?!), but before the final desert.

I thought I had gotten value for money until I saw the 2 women! Herself eats as much as me most of the time (not hard, says some of you!), but the cousin kept on filling that plate! It cost under €10 each, including a 10% service charge. They definitely lost money on us!

V for very unusual

Went to see the movie V for Vendetta with herself yesterday.

It's a difficult one to judge, but I guess it was a good film! On the one hand, it might glorify terrorism, but on the other, it's extremely antitotalitarianistic (now there's a word!). The original intent of the graphic novel that it's based on was to take a swipe at Thatcherism, so that's ok! It had nods to Benny Hill and The Count of Monte Cristo (my favourite classic story) in it, amongst other things!

And Natalie Portman is always worth watching, even with the "Sinead O'Connor" look!

Just for Dave

Here's a picture of my mate Dave's favourite film star!!!

Omar's a handsome devil, isn't he?

Lost in Translation 2!

Right across the way from Auntie Anne's in my local shopping centre is the intriguingly named "Horn Enterprises"!!! This is not a business of ill-repute however, but a purveyor of computer games, phones and watches.

It is run by a fine upstanding citizen, I hear!!!!!

Famous Relative

This post will possibly only be of interest to my immediate family and my mother's clan!

One of my aunts has her name up in lights out all over Singapore, albeit with slightly different spelling (I think!)! Still, it reminds me of her everytime I pass by an outlet. This branch is in my local shopping centre.

Funnily enough, she is the only one of my 9 maternal aunts known in the family as "auntie x". This is probably because of the alliteration, or maybe it's because her sisters knows it annoys her when they call her it! Anyway, I was unaware before my arrival that she was a pretzel queen. The secret of her wealth is known at last!!!!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

I hope everyone has a nice day and a great weekend. This is only my second Paddy's day as part as the Irish diaspora (not counting the early 70s in London!), both spent in Eastern Asia.

I went up to the nearby road that I mentioned before, decked out in my Irish finery to mark the occasion. Since I got complaints about the last picture of me that I posted, I tried to be less camp in this picture. I think that I accomplished that!!

Note right beside me is one of those large storm drains, also previously mentioned. I'm sure one or two of you are thinking that it's a pity that I didn't fall into it!

There's a small parade here on Sunday, so the jersey will be on duty again then. Will post on that in due course.

Blog gone ape!

I don't know how it is for you, but the blog has gone nuts here this evening.

It's forcing me to log in every 5 seconds, plus now it's not letting me enter any comments - the word verification always fails. Hopefully, this will be resolved soon, so be patient if you are getting the same thing.

I'm giving up for a few hours, if not the night!!

Home from home

Pictured is the building which helped save whatever sanity I might have had left after coming out here! Yes, it's my second home here - the oft mentioned library across the road from me!

It helped me stuff my head with reams more information, both useful and useless! It also helped me acclimatise by offering an oasis of cool in the otherwise oppressive climate.

Not bad for the one building! After herself (of course), it is probably what I shall miss the most about Singapore after I leave.

Aidan by gaslight!

Ok ladies - a special treat for you, my devoted female readers!! Don't all swoon together!!
Guys might want to focus on the illuminated architecture, lamp post, bicycle or tourist-fleecing river boat!

This was taken on the bank of the Singapore river in the city centre the other night, just before we got lost for a little while! Appropriately enough, it was taken in front of an O'Brien's Irish Sandwich Bar. However, I managed to hold the homesickness tears back for the photo!

And no, mum, I haven't gained any weight!

Shirt by Gioven Kelvin, pants by Samuel & Kevin, hair by cute Indonesian chick!

Role reversal

In a bizarre twist to the myself-herself saga yesterday, I was accused of being bossy! I think that this is the first time that this particular accusation has ever been levelled at me. I suspect it's a tactical ploy on her part!

In fairness, she has been very good on that front for the past week or two, so maybe I did fill the vacuum!!!!! Tiger D at least should be glad that, at long last, I appear to be wearing the breeches in a relationship (however tenuous it may be). I say 'appear' because obviously, it's an insidious plot by herself to make it seem that I'm the big Kahuna!

The Pianist

Saw the above titled film about Wladyslaw Szpilman the other night. Harrowing stuff. It's amazing what human beings do to each other sometimes. Thought the film got a little aimless in the second half, but then again it had to depict him moving aimlessly about looking for grub.

It was good that the German saved him near the end. Unfortunately for the German, Szpilman couldn't return the favour (although he tried). He does seem to have been remarkably jammy. I read his official web site and the film does seem to have been very accurate. It explains more than the film could, including why he was so jammy. In addition to being a gifted pianist, he was the most popular composer in Poland in the 1930s (50 children's songs and 600 pop tunes). That's why so many helped him - he was the Burt Bacharach of his day.

As shown in the film, he was the last person on Polish radio before the bombing started in 1939 and and first person back on it after the war. He continued on from where he left off in Chopin's Nocturne in C sharp minor. The BBC did the same thing, but with a Mickey Mouse cartoon that was interrupted!!

Satisfy my soul

Keeping with the food theme, they have some green stuff over here that's very nice. It's called 'kaya' and it's made from coconut milk and egg (as opposed to the 'kaya' used by Bob Marley, which is cannabis!). It's green because they stick pandan leaves (I didn't know what pandan was either until I googled it and found this! Tasty and good for the skin - too good to be true?!) in the mixture.

Kaya is smooth and has the consistancy of jam perhaps. It is used like, err, jam; as a spread, in buns & cakes etc.

I shall miss it on my return. Perhaps, I will procure a recipe before I leave. Haven't seen many pandan leaves at home though!

Goodbye cold turkey!!

I thought that I had tasted bakery perfection when I had some bread from Roly's Bistro in Ballsbridge a while back.

I was wrong.

Herself just informed me the other day that they sold 'custard bread' in a local bakery. I know what you're thinking - why would they desecrate custard by putting it with bread? Exactly!

After castigating her for waiting two months to dispense that nugget, we went posthaste to said bakery (which I had passed umpteen times in the shopping centre!). It turned out to be a baguette, slit down the side and filled with custard. Both bread and the custard were very fresh. Heavenly! I, err, may have swung by there once or twice since!

Erin go bragh!!!

Following on (slightly) from the last post, the eventual winner of the golf tournament here was a Singaporean, by the name of Mardan Mamat. He became the first Singaporean ever to win on the European Tour and good luck to him for his deserved win.

I expected a bit of a write up in the papers the next day, but jeepers, they almost canonised him! Then I read why! Prior to this, the only international sporting success of note that Singapore has had to boast about appears to be the following:

1. An Olympic silver medal in weightlifting (Rome, 1960).
2. A swimmer who had the fastest time in the world once, for a while.
3. A 4th place in ladies ping pong in Athens (2004).

Now, I've gone on a bit about how the population of Singapore and Ireland (North & South) is about the same, so that sports record must be pathetic or else we've been punching above our weight, big time.

I mean, we've had world/Olympic/major champions (and other medallists) in many sports, including athletics, rowing, cycling, snooker, boxing, showjumping (not counting Cian!), swimming(albeit tainted!), heptathlon, shooting, yachting and golf. Not to mention all our soccer and rugby stars/teams down the years. And just the other day we got a new sprint world champ! Hell, we even almost won a medal at the Winter Olympics with that "toff on a tray" a few years back!!

With all the facilities here, you'd think they'd do a bit better. And maybe it's time we patted ourselves on the back for a change, instead of always kicking ourselves in the ar*e!!

Bomb Scare

I forgot to mention the scary moment that I had on the way to the golf tournament last Friday.

I finally found the bus stop beside the train station from where the bus departed for the golf course. I had just missed a bus, so I sat down on a bench in front of a Malaysian (as likely to be Muslim as an Irish person is to be a Catholic) guy. I started day dreaming for a while and then turned around to have a look in the opposite direction. There, right beside me was a back pack, all alone! Panic stations as:

outside train station, abandoned backpack left beside ang moh (westerner), Muslim, London bombings, warnings in Sydney and Singapore about suspect packages, oh sh*t

all went through my head in that order! After almost hyperventilating, I cooled the jets and cast my vision further afield. Then I saw the guy having a fag over in a corner.

Cue relief, before thinking "feck, he's a suicide bomber!"!

Luckily, that was not the case! I'd like to take this opportunity to apologise to that guy for my paranoia!!! Still, I was glad to get on the bus when it arrived!

A Brown beating

I nearly feel sorry for poor old Dan Brown. Or should that be extremely rich old Dan Brown?!

Got a couple of books from the library last week about the "Da Vinci Code" and "Angels and Demons". I thought the 2 books would tear him to shreds. However, the first book, "The Real History Behind the Da Vinci Code" hardly mentions Dan, funnily enough. It is a very good synopsis of the actual history behind the book, covering things like the bible, Jesus, Christianity, Knights Templar, Opus Dei etc. The author (who is a scholar) has a somewhat amusing style and I'd recommend it to anyone who wants an unbiased history of what you think you believe in!!!

But, boy oh boy, does Dan get it with both barrels in the other book "Secrets of Angels and Demons". That's more like what I expected; experts in each field rubbishing the book. This is where I feel somewhat sorry for Dan (who probably doesn't care, having laughed all the way to the bank!). Dan was an English teacher in a small New England college, not a nuclear physicist, art historian, architect or theologian. He's also a novelist, not a gospel writer (I know, I know, but don't get me started there!), so I don't know why they expect him to have every little thing factually correct or scientifically accurate. I think that the fact that he boldly asserted at the start of most of his books that certain things were facts, which in fact were not, is what caused so much ire. The problem is, I suppose, that people believe it's all true (predominately Yanks, I would imagine!).

I don't think any fiction would stand up to the undue scrutiny these badly written books got. In my opinion, it's fair to take pot shots at him for his poor English, but after that, it's only a bit of fluff! He just found the magic blend of conspiracy theory, religion, puzzles, art and murder and good luck to him! (Why didn't I think of that?!)

Single white male....

...seeks roof over (rather large!) head!

Following on from my newsflash yesterday, if anyone has a room/suite/wing available for a few days/weeks/years, let me know!!!!

I'm officially homeless from March 23rd! I have references - my last landlord gave me a stellar write up!!!! I'll probably head back to Galway for a while to take stock and plan my next move.

Greed is good!

In addition to the ants and flies in our hygenic kitchen, we also have a gecko family staying with us! I have christened them Gordon and Gary Gecko respectively, although their gender has not been established! Pictured is Gordon, who isn't as camera shy as young Gary. Another one hangs out in my bedroom (may be Gary!), but thankfully he hasn't eaten me yet!

I know the fastest things on 2 legs is a chicken (running through Ethiopia!) and a cheetah is the fastest thing on 4 legs, but these guys can really move! They must be the fastest indoors on 4 legs!

0.5 marks for the easy movie reference in the title and lizard name!

Face Lift!

After a complaint from the number one contributor, I have changed the look of the site.

You see, I listen to my fans!!!

The template choice isn't great, but this might do for the run in!! Let me know what you think. You can blame Tiger D if you preferred the old look!

Action Station!

In the latest exposé of my crib - yo dogs, check out my snooze room, the room where it all happens, y'kno what I'm sayin'?

Featuring the world's flimsiest wardrobe, light beige tiling throughout and a desk from a 1950's Irish national school, this distinctly unhomely narrow cell has been my bedroom for the past few months. Tiles may strike some as being cold, but that's exactly what you want in hot places like this. Tiles are also very common in Mediterranean countries, as I'm sure most of you are aware. If you look at the right foreground you will see my office area, with library books (of course), blog generating machine (laptop!) and water bottles (within arm's length at all times!)

I even cleaned the room before taking this pic. The things I do for my fans! In fairness, I must give kudos to herself who cleaned it every week for me, whether it needed it or not!

Tune in next for a tour of the jacks!!! (just kidding!)

ps I promise never to try to talk like a homie again!!!

Newsflash!

Well folks,

Now that I've told the woman closest to my heart (me mammy, of course!), I can now break the news here on aidaninasia to you, my loyal and appreciative readership!

I am returning to the auld sod on March 23rd.

Yes, on Thursday week, I'll be back amongst my people! So, prepare to lock up your daughters etc. again! I advanced the departure by two weeks for 3 main reasons:

1. My latest visa expires on the 22nd (my flight leaves Singapore just before midnight on that date). I could go across the bridge or fly somewhere and return, but see reason three.

2. There is a chance (albeit now a slim one) of a job interview in Dublin around that time.

3. There's nothing really to keep me here any longer. The job scene is as bad as ever and even herself is resigned to the inevitable. The long term problem previously described is an impasse, I'm afraid.

So, that's the plan, unless something nothing short of miraculous occurs in the next week or so.

I'll miss you all, my, sob, beloved fans (even though I'll be seeing most of you soon!)! You've made, sob, me what I am today - an unemployed, sunburnt nobody!!!!!

Anyone for squash?

Call me sad, but I was reading the sports section of the Hutchinson Book of Facts 2005 in the library the other day. After all, you don't get good at table quizes by not reading books like this (Hi Phil, Marie!!)!

I happened across a paragraph on squash, not a sport I'd have a tremendous interest in. I knew about the Khan boys from Pakistan and that one of them (Jahangir) was unbeaten for ages (555 matches over 5 years and 8 months to be precise). I thought that was amazing until I read the female record. In the 60s and 70s, an Aussie named Heather McKay was unbeaten for the last 17 years of her career and was beaten only twice in 19 years!! Now that's amazing in any man's language. There is no way that the rest of the 2 billion odd women in the world during this time could be complete pants over the course of 19 years. Obviously, she must have been some player! Even Tiger Woods recent win ratio is rubbish in comparison (apples and oranges, I know).

Unsurprisingly, according to a web site I looked up, Heather McKay is considered Australia’s greatest ever sportswoman.

The fact that she does seem to have looked like a cross between Billie Jean King and Fatima Whitbread is neither here nor there!!

Roomies

Do you remember the days, folks, when you were single, perhaps a student, and had to share a house with various other people? Wasn't it great when finally the house was full of people you liked and all was well in the world? The house was a joy to live in, everyone was nice, no one was messy or noisy. Ah, halcyon days indeed!

Remember, however, when some selfish, inconsiderate git moved out, ruining the status quo? Your staunch friend (or at least quiet, trouble free flatmate!) replaced by some total stranger. Out went the atmosphere of conviviality to be replaced with one of trepidation and uncertainty!

I, too, thought I had left all that far behind me, but unfortunately that was not the case once I landed here! There was a good bunch of people here until last week until "the git" moved out! Since this place is rented room by room, we have no say on what sort of stook the landlady puts in here. Today, myself and herself came back from lunch to find 2 middle-aged men in the flat! One (or both) may be here for some unknown period of time.

Not ideal by any means, but at least I don't have to stick it for too long!

It's not bacon and cabbage!

Pictured is one of my favourite dishes here, found through extensive trial and error! It goes by the name of "san lau hor fun" and features extra wide noodles, fish and vegetables in an aromatic sauce! That fairly sizable bowl costs about €2.40.

Alongside are the eating implements designed to help me slow down my eating - the faithful chopsticks. Hasn't really worked as I'm fairly handy at wolfing down the grub with them also!

So, that's eating, reading & writing I've mentioned that I do quickly in the past 24 hours. I think that's about it (not counting running away from committment!!!), before any smart alecs weigh in with others!

I don't know why I'm in such a hurry either!

Putting your foot in it!

From my time in Japan, I am used to taking off the outside shoes when entering a house. This made sense, especially if the house was carpeted as was the case there, in my experience.

They operate slightly different here. Whereas in Japan, you take off external footwear in the porch, here you can wear your shoes in the hallway/common area, but not in your room apparently.

This doesn't make much since to me in our gaffe anyway, because as you can see from the pic of our humble abode above, the floors are tiled (some bedrooms have parquet floors) and are easily cleaned.

I have decided to go with Mayo shoe etiquette in my own room, but I have to respect other people's floors! Herself almost has a fit when I forget and stroll in to her room! Well if it's not that, it would be something else anyway!

New pictures

I have retrospectively added pics to the following posts, should you wish to look at them:

Antz
Just Desserts
Sleeping on the job
Room with a view

Blogger Problems

Hi Folks,

The Blogger site ihas beens acting up for the past day or so and I'm having problems posting and publishing comments. Bear with me and I'll be back ranting and raving soon.

They appear to be working on the problem.

Flash Harry!

Spotted this cool motor in the car park of the golf club on the way out. It’s a Lamborghini Gallardo and a fantastic looking machine in the flesh (so to speak!). It's not as nice from the rear as it is from other angles, but I wouldn't say no!

If I had a spare 200 grand or so lying around, I’d consider buying one!

Zebra Feet

The low point of the day was getting sun-burnt in a few places. Despite liberal multiple applications of factor 30 sun block, I inadvertently left out several small areas. The picture shows the ramifications of wearing sandals and forgetting to apply cream to the feet!! Damn, I nearly made it through my entire time here staying white all over!!! I also missed a triangular area on my cheek which means I now look dafter than usual!!

Bet you’re sorry I got my hands on a camera now!

The Gary Murphy Fan Club!

Gary Murphy was the best placed Paddy after day one yesterday. He was 3 under par, only 4 shots back. He was also the first Irish man teeing off after I arrived at 2pm local time, so I waited on tee (alone) to do my patriotic duty! When he walked on tee, he spotted my “Irish themed baseball” cap (alright, alright, my Galway cap!) and he said hello! I wished him luck and his caddie also said hello. I thought that was very friendly of them so I decided not to wait to see the other 2 Irish men and follow Gary (we’re now buddies!).

There was a very small crowd there, with no one at all following most groups. As it turned out, I was the only one following Gaz and his 2 playing partners (Jamie Donaldson of Wales and Amandeep Johl of India) until some school kids were roped into it on the 8th tee! I did my best, encouraging the lads with strategic applause! Amandeep is a very nice chap, but, unfortunately for him, he started like I would have. He crashed into the trees about 120 yards off the first tee. Then he crashed into the trees on the other side of the fairway, having played sideways. I found his ball for him and Amaz and I were mates after that!! He even apologised to me at one stage for the quality of the golf!

Amaz steadied the shop after that, but unfortunately, Gaz took up the “Aidan style golf” baton! If there was water within 250 yards of him, he found it for a while (see blow by blow account below!). He finished the back 9 well enough though (having started on the 10th). The picture shows Gaz just before hitting a poor chip at the first.

They really appreciated their fan, I have to say. Gaz’s caddie gave me 2 ice-cold bottles of water after about 3 holes, which I thought was really sound of him. It was manna from heaven in the oppressive heat, especially as my water supply was dwindling at the time. He’s a Dub and we talked a few times after that.

I had to give up after nine holes, because it was getting late and I had gotten a little sunburnt. I had a quick go at the golfing simulator in the tented village. Unfortunately for me, it’s very accurate at capturing your real swing!

All in all, it was a much better day that I thought it would be. Even the relatively unknown guys sure can play and I never expected such interaction with pros at a tournament.

You won’t get this anywhere else – a world exclusive, folks, on Aidaninasia, a blow by blow account of Gaz’s first 9 holes. I reckon one or maybe two people might be interested! Everyone else can stop reading now!

10th par 4 – Great drive, average 2nd to edge of green, poor chip and 2 putts for bogey.
11th par 5– Right rough off the tee, great 3-wood to within 10 feet of green, poor chip goes through green, 2 putts from back fringe for par.
12th par 3 – Poor tee shot, at least 25 yards short, finds water. Great short iron over the lake to 6 feet and holes it for bogey.
13th par 4 – Pushes drive into water off the tee. Has to drop in the bunker, splashes out to the fairway and dunks a short iron into the drink again. Curses loudly, drops in rough and chips to 15 feet . Holes a tricky downhill putt for double bogey.
14th par 4 - Great drive and approach to 14 feet. Makes putt for birdie.
15th par 5 – 20 yards into the left rough off the tee, laid up nicely, great short iron/wedge to 8 feet. Just misses treacherous putt to settle for a par.
16th par 4 – Great 3 wood off the tee. Nice approach leaves a 15 foot uphill putt which he just misses, so settles for par again.
17th Par 3 – Nice mid to long iron over water. Just missed a tough 25 foot putt to end up with another par.
18th par 4 – Great drive and wedge to 5 feet. Misses short putt to register 4th par in a row.

He turns in 3 over for the day and level par overall. I turn and go home!!!

Fore!

It's all go this week. Out and about 3 days in a row! I'm getting withdrawl symptoms from missing the library! Well, at least I have library books out on loan!

Today, I headed off to see the Singapore Masters European Tour golf tournament. Since my homage to The Onion doesn't seem to have gone down too well, I have reverted to straight reporting for this event!

It was being held at a golf course not that far away from where I live. The nearest train station to the course is the Singapore Expo station. While looking for the courtesy bus to the golf, I happened across a book fair being held in one of the massive (and I mean massive!) expo halls. If you've been reading this blog at all, then you'll know that was like a moth to the flame! It wasn't very good though, so I didn't dally. I eventually found the bus and got to the course, whereupon I immediately bumped into (almost literally!) Constantina Rocca, who almost won the British Open in 1995.

The course is a pretty nice one. The picture shows the view back up the ninth (as far as I remember!) fairway from the green. It was very hot and humid (surprise, surprise!) so I sat in the shade and made out a plan for the afternoon. There weren't that many well known golfers playing, but I decided to see as many as them as I could. I hung around the first and 10th tees for an hour watching them tee off, until the first (and best placed) Irish man was due. The plan was then to follow him (or one of the other 2 Irish guys soon after him) for 9 holes (if I could stick the heat!) and then call it a day.

More anon!

Maid in Singapore

I was reading in the paper that the maid agencies have decreed that maids should get at least 1 day off a month, with 4 being the most days that they get off! The government have refused to make this law for some reason.

There are 160,000 of these maids here and they are typically Indonesian or Philipino women. They make very little, but they do tend to live in, so at least they don't have to sleep on a park bench.

Don't know about you, but it all sounds like exploitation (if not slavery) to me.

Butterflies deny causing hurricane Katrina

Any angry Butterfly Council (BC) convened today to refute recent accusations from some quarters of the scientific community. Solicitor for the BC, Mr Greenbird (pictured, left) stated that while chaos theory had its merits, it was ludicrous to suggest that the flapping of his clients' wings was responsible for global catastrophes, such as the devastating hurricane that decimated New Orleans.

Singapore Zoo said it fully supported their butterfly population, citing numerous examples of benevolent activity from its lepidopteran community.

Brothers re-united after lifetime apart

Singapore Zoo was the scene of a joyous reunion today as long lost brothers, Aidan and Bob, were re-united after more than 30 years apart. Excited zoo staff noted the genetic links between the siblings, stating that they never expected to meet another primate hairier than Bob. For their part, the brothers were delighted to find that they shared a natural tendency to sit around doing nothing.

Singapore Zoo said they were delighted to facilitate the tearful family reunion.

Wormhole Found?

In a potentially exciting development today, an intact ancient African village was found in Singapore Zoo. Scientists consulted on the find postulated that either there was a large fissure in the space-time continuum at those co-ordinates or, more likely, the zoo had built a replica as an exhibit. Archaeologists studying the site believe that Singapore’s location between Java and Africa could be significant “This extraordinary find could prove to be a link between 2 of the oldest humanoid remains found to date, Java man in Indonesia and Lucy in the Rift Valley. The workmanship is amazing and fits in perfectly with what we know of ancient African building techniques.

Singapore Zoo, however, said that the village was built by five local carpenters 3 years ago, the design based on a village in their favourite film – “King Solomon’s Mines”.

Creative differences affect writers

Yesterday, the team of chimps commissioned to re-write the works of Shakespeare for the modern audience called a press conference to describe difficulties with the project.

A spokesmonkey for the group said that a schism had formed between the traditionalists and the post-modernists in the motley ensemble of bohemian simians. Sources close to the post-modernists expressed dismay with the old fashioned beliefs of the older faction who yearned to return to simpler days of selling tea and befriending stars like Tarzan. The traditionalists, on the other hand, are unhappy with the deconstruction process employed by the younger chimps and are vigorously campaigning for the retention of the iambic pentameter in the updated work.

Singapore Zoo has offered to mediate in the impasse.

Classic story a myth, says disgruntled lioness

The veracity of “Born Free” has been hotly disputed by a senior member of the Truth for Lions (TFL) today. The heart warming tale of feline-human interaction, based on mutual respect and love has been described as fallacious by the TFL spokescat “We in the TFL abhor our representation in the film and TV series. It has led the world into believing that all lions are living their life in liberty, free from human oppression when patently, that is not the case”. The TFL have accused the zoo of further insensitivity by placing the giraffe enclosure in full view less than 20 yards away “We believe that it constitutes inhumane treatment to locate our favourite prey in such close proximity, yet tantalisingly out of reach”.

Singapore Zoo said their policy was not to comment on inter-species conflict.

Star refuses to talk

Speaking through her agent, the polar bear, Jenny, at Singapore Zoo has refused to be interviewed by reporters unless her stringent demands are met. These demands include 4 crates of Evian water (chilled, naturally), 100 fresh fish of equal size with no imperfections and a celebrity goodie bag. Staff at the zoo says that Jenny has become unBEARable since her star turn in the hit US show Lost, lamenting “Before, she was just Jenny from the block of ice, but now she acts like a real diva”.

Singapore Zoo said that it encourages all its animals to talk freely to the media.

World’s smartest animal extends Einstein’s theory of relativity

Skippy, the bush kangaroo, yesterday jumped for joy after announcing that he had successfully extended Einstein’s theory of general relativity to include the quantum world. Commenting on the resolution of a problem that has stumped physicists for decades, Stephen Hawkings, Lucasian Professor of Mathematics, Cambridge University, said that it was a monumental day for not just science and humanity, but also for marsupials.

Skippy, whose early promise was evident from the 1960s when he conversed with young Australians and saved numerous lives, was typically modest about his historic achievements “I just tinkered with Einstein’s tensors and the solution just popped out at me”. Using the time since his days as a TV star to study physics at the University of Queensland, the talented kangaroo completed his impressive education with a post-doc at the world famous Cavendish Laboratory in Cambridge.

Singapore Zoo said it was delighted to have such an eminent scientist as a guest.

Crikey!

I spent an enjoyable day in the zoo today. It’s in a scenic part of the island that I hadn’t seen before. It’s a very impressive place, but boy, was it hot and humid. Even though I’m used to the heat now, I don’t think I’ve ever sweated as much in the one day (well, not since I had to ask a woman out for the first time!).

The highlights was seeing the magnificent animals and making smart remarks while the crocodile hunter, aka Steve Irwin, was on stage! The lowlights were twice being bitten on the feet by swarms of ants (buggers won’t leave me alone!) while listening to the aforementioned big mouthed, self-styled Crocodile Dundee!

The big goberoo himself was on stage for about 30 minutes with his usual antics (without crocs, unfortunately). He was there to open the new “Australian Outback” section. As shown in the picture, he played around with a snake, but unfortunately it didn’t manage to bite him! He said his signature word “crikey!” about 20 times. At one stage, he was talking about some huge croc which was so big it wouldn’t fit between his legs (he straddles them to subdue them!). I said it would have fitted in his mouth easily!

On the way back, I was driven in the taxi from the zoo to the train station by Darth Vader’s breathing double!!! I kept thinking that the guy was going to keel over. His breathing was extremely laboured and I didn’t see any oxygen tank on standby! Luckily, he didn’t croak and mouth to mouth was not necessary!

More posts on the zoo to follow…

Picture this

I've got herself's digital camera now, so I can jazz up the account of my final few weeks here now!

I'm heading off to the zoo today, where Steve Irwin (aka the Crocodile Hunter!) is appearing. I'll be able to shoot him there (unfortunately, with the camera, not with a gun!!!!!).

There's a European tour golf event on until Sunday here, so I'll head to that tomorrow. Even though there are no really big names there, it will pass the day.

This is a good week actually, I have to admit!

Because I'm worth it!

It was pretty cheap in Indonesia, as stated previously also.

We got 2 long taxi rides (with the driver waiting for us for an hour in between while we dined) for about €10! Imagine a taxi waiting for an hour in Ireland, never mind the 2 long journeys!

We dined in this well renowned seafood restaurant (while yer man waited in the baking sun!). Although it caters for tourists, we still got a big feed of fresh seafood for 2 for about €20. I had demolished a number of prawns before herself told me I should decapitate and de-tail them first!

Then it was off shopping (guess who enjoyed that more?!) for a while. Herself then decided for a bit of pampering in a saloon in that fancy mall mentioned previously. Since I needed a haircut (and had nothing else to do!), I followed her in. She went for a "cream bath" and (at the risk of almighty slagging) I decided to push the boat out and go for one too! So, for more than an hour of pampering where my hair was washed thrice (more than a years worth of washes at home!!), various head massages (with and without goo!), a haircut and blow dry, it cost about €10! And that was in a fancy place and herself's treatment included also!

I can't wait for my first manicure now.....!!!!!

Pimp my Moped!

As noted in the previous post, most of the cars in Indonesia were fairly old and battered. Not surprising the way they drive over there! A lot of locals use the cheaper moped to get around, including some entrepreneurs!

Saw some mopeds with huge plywood "extensions" on them. I reckon I could have fitted in a few of them! The funniest one was a moped with a complete stall attached! It was replete with canopy, counter and glass compartments! Some ladies prefer to ride as passengers side saddle, which didn't seem a good idea to me, the way traffic works there!

It would be easier to eject them if they started nagging the driver though!!!! Sorry, dear, did I take that corner too fast?!

Hannibal Reilly!

I went to Indonesia yesterday with herself. It’s only an hour away by ferry. Although the island we went to is due south and 99% of Indonesia is east of Singapore, it’s still an hour behind (it should be an hour ahead, if anything!), so we arrived at the same time we left!

I think it’s fair to say that first impressions were not good. To tie in with yet another book that I am reading (the real history behind the Da Vinci Code – I’ll be the annoying one in the cinema going “Well, actually….”!), if the Romans had made it out this far, they would have probably named it Shitholeius Major!

Coming from Singapore with its (mostly) pristine buildings, green areas, flowers and new cars, it’s a bit of a kip to be honest. It was similar just north of Singapore in Malaysia when I was there a couple of years ago. Some new building going on, but in the main, it’s not pretty. Everything looks so poor and dilapidated. The locals have bare good-for-nothing orange ground with corrugated hovels built on them. They try to sell stuff to passers by and usually have bits of old cars lying all over the place. The hovels line the hilly, twisty roads which get really fun during the rainy season apparently. This poverty is pretty hard to stomach and you can’t stand still for 2 minutes without someone trying to sell you something or beg off you. I thought there were poor people in Singapore until I came here! Then you have foreigners up the road corralled in fancy resorts, playing golf, tennis, getting pampered etc. There’s something wrong there somewhere.

The driving is crazy and they seem to progress by horn, rather than indicator, traffic light or any other such luxury! We did find a snazzy new shopping centre, which was a little incongruous to say the least! The picture shows me doing my Hannibal (the original Hannibal, that is!) impression in the middle of that new mall! Would have taken more snaps but honestly couldn’t find anything worth snapping! The taxi was moving too fast (and erratically!) for hovel shots!

To paraphrase a nerdy scientist (whose book I read once, naturally!) on Antarctica – the 2 best days in Indonesia are the day you arrive and the day you leave. Fortunately, it was the same day for me. On the plus side, I thought the women were better looking (perhaps I’m biased there! However, herself is ethnically Chinese, not Indonesian!) and things in the main, were very cheap. That is, if you could work out what they cost!! Knowledge of the 5500 times tables would have been useful as that’s how many Rupiah there are to the Singapore Dollar! That makes it about 11000 to a Euro! I changed about €50 and had over half a million! I felt rich until I had to buy something – everything costs thousands or tens of thousands! Not much use for decimal points here – the €9.99 deal becomes 99,999 Rupiahs!

Still, an interesting experience and another country ticked off the “been there, done that” list! More to follow....

Antz

Damn ants!

They're everywhere in the bloody apartment: crawling on the ground, on the furniture, on delf, on your arms, up your legs. Tiny iddy-biddy creepy crawlies with all those feelers on your skin, slowly eating you alive. Well, OK, maybe not quite eating you alive (sorry - got carried away there in Steven King mode!). Again, reading a book lately about fire ants that do actually eat you alive didn't help!

You start getting paranoid after a while, imagining that they are all over you! Then you get used to it and the insufferable agony becomes almost bearable!!! Melodrama aside, food has to be stored in Fort Knox type conditions to stop ant infiltration. And that's not the only place they infiltrate, if you get my drift!!! That's right, they get into bed clothes (shame on you if you thought somewhere else!).

None of them are cute and speak/behave like Woody Allen either! The pic above shows where the little guys like to hang out most - our very basic kitchen!

OK - I've made it to 10 - that's a decade (or decet) of films as post titles in a row, so I'll stop there. I may move on to TV shows or songs next!!

Flightplan

I had planned to pop down to visit my relations in Perth next week for about a week. However a number of things have happened in the past 24 hours to unfortunately cause me to change my plans.

First the flight I had booked turned out to be just short of double what they advertised it with all the sneaky fees, taxes and surcharges. That was a big disappointment because I'm tight!!!!! Seriously (although I am tight!), I felt like I was really getting shafted and I hate getting shafted! Then, herself announced that she wanted to go to Indonesia with me this week. I had planned a short trip to renew my Singapore visa (to save all that queuing in the immigration office again) on the way back in. That means I have to pay for 2 now, obviously. With no income, all that makes the Oz trip financially unattractive. Plus, there appears to be a decent chance of a job in Dublin that I may have to return home early for.

I was in Perth before about 14 years ago and in Sydney in August, so it's not as big a disappointment as it could have been. At least the Aussie branch of the family won't have to put up with me now! Every dark cloud..., eh?!!

Paycheck

I just saw a salary survey for IT staff in Singapore in a local IT magazine.

The good news is that IT salaries are up. The bad news is that the average now for programmers is a little under a whopping €1700/month! A project manager can earn the princely sum of about €3000/month. And let's not forget that tax has to come out of this (albeit at a lower level than home).

So, proof that it's a waste of time trying for a job here. Today is my last day of looking/waiting. As of tomorrow morning, I shall be officially on the way home. I can't stay here forever with no income and practically paying for 2. I tried (on every front!), but it was not to be.

Ah well, I'll soon be complaining about the cold on my "Aidan (back) in Ireland" blog!!!

Just Desserts!

Many of you know about my main vice - custard!

Well, I've gone cold turkey since coming out here, even though you can buy good old Bird's powder in the supermarket here.

When in Rome and all that, so I've been sampling all sorts of local desserts here. Some are pretty nice, while others are, let's say, not so nice on the palette (or the eyes!). I have zeroed in on my favourite though, that well known dish in Belmullet - 'bo bo cha cha'! (pictured above, 10 seconds before I demolished it!)

Despite sounding like an exotic dance for cows, it's very nice! It is warm sago (no obvious jokes, please!) with pieces of fruit and yam in it. Highly recommended if you're ever out this way!

"LA" Story

Believe it or not, they have an equivalent of the Cork' phrase, “like, boy”, here in Singlish. After practically every sentence, the locals add on "la" (pronounced "lah", as in the musical note!).

I haven't detected the equivalent of "cute hoor" or "happy out" yet, though!

By the way, that Singlish is very hard to understand! It's the Singaporean flavour of English, complete with grammar mistakes and strange accents. It's hard to describe what it's like, but you wouldn't think it was English at all if you heard it. I have practically no idea what the natives say most of the time, which makes it especially tough when dealing with official personnel about visas etc.

Green Fire!

Now that the TV software and hardware is working, there are a few nifty things you can do with it. The software operates as a PVR (Personal Video Recorder), a poor man’s version of Sky +. I anticipate gaining more grey hairs trying to get that to work!

Another nice thing I can do is capture a screen off the broadcast channel. For example, here’s Duff scoring the first goal! Unfortunately I was caught on the hop when Miller scored his screamer!

I show you this snap for educational purposes only (fair use, in case of copyright infringement problems!!!).

The post titles are still films; this one is from that, err, well known 1954 movie!

Battle Royale

I bought a TV tuner on Friday for my laptop in case I get the shakes from being without TV for too long! Now, I have installed many pieces of software and hardware in my time, but this gizmo was, without a doubt, the toughest!

It took at least 10 hours over 2 days before I slayed the beast! A lesser mortal would have chucked in the towel long before success eventually came. However, thanks to my famously extreme stubbornness, I persevered! At times, I was excited, expectant, frustrated, optimistic, even more frustrated, stressed, overjoyed, frustrated again, confused, optimistic again, annoyed, even more stressed, cautiously optimistic and finally euphoric!!!! Herself remarked on my stress at one point. She was also the victim of a spontaneous hug (and those that know me well, know I’m neither spontaneous or into hugging!!) during the short 'overjoyed' phase, when I finally got a picture (but no sound!).

The initial install hung my computer and the software didn’t work. Call this point A. So I un-installed the software and restored my computer to a previous safe point. It took me 6 hours to get back to point A, where it would simply install (and hang my machine!). It turned out that one component didn’t un-install itself properly and I had to download tools from Microsoft, edit the registry (dangerous!) and manually delete folders. All this to get back to point A. After that, another 30-60 minutes of head scratching, fiddling around and Googling to find out that the solution to the original problem was simply to plug the tuner into a different USB port! (no need to remind me that I could have saved 6 hours of rapidly greying hair time there!)

Sometimes I wish I was a plumber or something!! Anyhow, that worked and after about 7 hours, finally had my picture (cue hug!), but now no sound. Three hours of more head scratching, fiddling around and Googling, I found the solution to that problem. During these 3 hours, things became more urgent, because they started showing highlights of the Ireland-Sweden soccer match on the TV here for some reason. I didn’t have audio because the setup program thought I was in Ireland, not Singapore. Our TV systems are very similar, but the audio part is not the same. So, on changing to Singapore settings, what was the first thing I heard on my new notebook TV? Big Niall Quinn, summing up the match!!! The chances of hearing an Irish man on that channel are pretty slim, so it was a double delight to hear it (cue 'euphoria' phase!)!

The moral of the story is to never let the machine beat you (or stay away from the silicon spawn of Satan that is a computer!)!

Hot Shots

When we had lunch at one of our usual places today, we were somewhat unnerved by the presence of heavily armed soldiers on patrol. You don’t usually see machine gun totting guards at a shopping mall. It didn’t help matters that the book I’m currently reading at home (as opposed to in the library!) features Islamic terrorists running amok in a shopping mall! Anyway, they must have been acting on some sort of tip-off or else a big shot was in the vicinity. Either way, we didn’t dally (I ate fast, even for me!!) and got out of Dodge early doors.

Little did I know that, just a few hours later, I would be totting that very same hardware, and then some! After lunch, we headed off to a careers fair at a much bigger mall (with thankfully no armed soldiers on patrol!). The fair was crappy enough really. The army did have a fairly impressive stand, complete with all types of kit, including a load of guns to try out for size (without ammo, obviously!!).

This is probably one of every (straight!) boy’s dreams – to hold a real gun! Since I haven’t fully grown up, you can count me in that group! So, I queued up for my turn and thankfully I wasn’t the only “adult” doing it! Although I had already had tried out my American cousin’s real handgun (he’s a cop), there were sniper rifles, machine guns and pump action shotgun to be played with here!

I use these weapons all the time in computer games (refer to not fully grown up part above!), but I must say it is (obviously!) very different in real life. The first thing you notice is how heavy they are! Man, that shotgun weighs a ton! However, using the pump action makes it worthwhile! The sniper rifle is almost as heavy and even the Uzi type machine gun is much heavier that you’d imagine. Soldiers, police, terrorists etc. must have to work out a lot these days!!!!

p.s. this is the third post in a row named after a film! I don't know how much longer this streak can go on for though!!

Footloose!

I know that I go on a bit about the poor old Bangladeshis, so this post should be no surprise!

It appears that some of them don't like to (or can't afford to) wear shoes on the job. I passed several in the past week working on small construction jobs in their bare feet. They're tough, God bless them, but surely that can't be wise (or legal!). The health & safety guys would go apoplectic at home if they found that! I don't think that they have steel toenails in Bangladesh either!

Speaking of nails, saw an old Muslim guy on the train yesterday with no finger nails at all! It was very odd and a bit unsettling. I hope he didn't lose them the "George Clooney" way (see Syriana)!

Lost in Translation!

When I came out of the cinema the other night, I saw a guy with "I love Mickey" on his t-shirt. I thought this was very funny as he didn't seem to be gay. His girlfriend didn't seem to mind his provocative declaration either.

Perhaps he just bought the wrong t-shirt when they visited Disneyland together!

Window Dressing!

Some people would say that windows are the best use of PVC. Others might say piping or some other construction use.

These people have not seen "Underworld" or "Underworld: Evolution"! I went to the cinema to see the latter with herself last night. I can now categorically state that Kate Beckinsdale's body suit is the best use for PVC that I've ever seen! (Kylie's hotpants (surely the best 50p ever spent?!) in her "Spinning Around" video were satin, apparently.)

If you think I'm being puerile now (you'd be right!), you should have seen me last night! I practically had to wear a bib for the duration of the film, insisted on calling it "Underpants: Evolution" and got caught (very badly!) by herself rubbernecking another ang moh's hot (exotic?!!) Asian girlfriend. To top it off, I sent her to the wrong seat on purpose when we got to the theatre as a wee joke. Since we were the first ones in, I thought it wouldn't be that embarrassing. Luckily for me, 3 or 4 people came in right after us and sat between us. That made it funnier as she had to clamber past them to get to her correct seat.

No, I don't know what she sees in me either!!!!

By the way, PVC costume aside, I thought the film was very enjoyable hoop!

Full circle

This might be a risky post, but what the hell; when did I ever shirk from controversy?! Besides, I'm about 6000 miles away (for now, anyway!).

Before I came out here, I thought Oriental women were exotic beauties and Irish women were just, err, beauties!

Now that I'm out here though for the best part of 2 months, things have changed. I see so many natives now and so few Western women that, you'll be pleased to know, mna na hEireann, you are now the exotic beauties in my eyes!!!!

What we have here is.....

Failure one to communicate!

The first PFO email has arrived. This was for the second interview that I did for the Polytechnic (see here for more info). This was expected as I made a dog's dinner out of that interview! At least they sent me an email, something they don't usually do over here to losers, err, unsuccessful candidates, I mean!

Only one (fairly slim) chance left before I throw in the towel altogether.

Keep those fingers crossed for me!

The couple that jogs together.......

......get tired together!!!

Went for a, err, romantic sunset jog along the beach last evening with herself. I hadn't been there in the dark before. She held my hand for a while, so I wasn't too scared!!!!

The 70 or so huge tankers that you can usually see anchored off-shore were all lit up like the proverbial Christmas tree. That, coupled with the airplanes (like flying Christmas trees!!) on final approach to the nearby international airport, made for a pretty nice vista.

Didn't make the jog any easier though!

Sod Sod!!

The most awful thing has happened - the damn TV has gone on the blink!

Bad enough as it was, with effectively only 1 channel, at least it was something to do of an evening. It also gave me a chance to keep in, sob, touch with Western, sob, culture (albeit US!) and helped sustain my TV addiction. Of course, it had to go just before my favourite show came on - Sod's (or Murphy's!) Law strikes again!! I may have to go and get a life now - the horror of it all!!

Looks like the tube is gone. I did discover that a well delivered slap to the side of the box restored the picture for a short period. I had to stop that though, as I didn't want to be reported to the RSPCTV!!!!!

Last chance saloon

Only a little news to report thus far this week.

Got an email from the lady that I interviewed with. It contained a veiled question; would I work part-time? Err, no! That's bad news, as you generally only get asked that if you don't cut the mustard for a full time position! I'm giving it until Monday, before I officially give up hope on that front (and getting a job here in general!). After that, I shall start planning my return.

I am getting a little bored here now after 6.5 weeks of lounging around. May lope off to Indonesia on a day trip soon. I am also contemplating going to Hong Kong for a few days - you're only nearly young once!!!

Found my own chain-saw!

Further to Mrs. Stalker's excellent suggestion in the comments to this post, I am delighted to announce that I have found my own equally annoying method to deal with the problem!

As luck would have it, we were both in the sitting room when "Malcolm in the Middle" came on yesterday. The theme song is fairly infectious and very apt. It's by They Might Be Giants and contains the refrain - "You're not the boss of me now". Given that my nickname for herself is "Boss" and she hates it, this makes it the perfect response from me to any "suggestions" from her! Plus, my singing voice is torture, even to deaf people!!!!

It's efficacy has already been proved in the debut sing-a-long performance, which, at least, I enjoyed immensely!!! I shall have to sing it a capella in future, but I will enjoy the challenge!

Oldest woman alive?

Read an article in the paper today in which a doctor said having a baby added 10 years to a woman.

Now, while I don't deny that it is an unbelievable hardship to give birth, surely it couldn't be that hard on the female body? If so, my granny must surely be one of the oldest people alive. At 95 and having had (and not having had had any, Mrs Stalker!) 15 children, that gives her an effective age of 245!

Outside of the Old Testament, that's impressive!

Home is where the news is!

Changed my browser home page yesterday from Google to "My Yahoo!" in order to get RSS feeds. These allow you to see news/sports/entertainment etc. headlines from various sources, like the BBC and breakingnews.ie. It's great for things like keeping up with the news back home.

The only problem is it now takes me ages to get off the homepage when I log on!!!

"My Yahoo!" also lets you have panels for weather, stocks and so forth. I set up the weather last year to keep an eye on the 3 places I went regularly. I added Changi Airport in Singapore just before I left. Since I arrived, this weather panel has aways looks roughly like it does today:

Belmullet 2...7 C
Changi 25...30 C
Dublin 2...6 C
Galway 2...6 C

Read it and weep! If they'd only cure that humidity problem, I'd be sorted! I won't gloat too much, because it looks like I'll be back amongst you all fairly soon!

Diva!

The latest thing herself is complaining about is, wait for it, the viscosity of the milk!

I kid you not. I go to the trouble of doing the shopping, but nothing is ever good enough. It's the wrong type of wholemeal bread; it's Indonesian milk, not Australian or Malaysian; the milk is full fat, not low fat; the bananas are too small; it's the wrong type of yoghurt etc. This one takes the biscuit though: the low fat milk is too thick!

I think she can do her own blooody shopping from now on!!

Survival of the dumbest

The latest series of that show, Survivor, started recently here. Now, normally, I wouldn't watch this kind of tripe, but as most of you know by now, my choices are somewhat limited over here!

Now, I don't know about you, but if I was due to go on such a show (for the uninitiated, about 12 people are left alone in/on a jungle/tropical island to fend for themselves and compete for $1 million. Food, water and shelter not provided!), I'd have studied that SAS survival guide or some other such readily available tome. At the very least, I'd have put on extra weight and watched (again!) the enjoyable and educational Ray Mears survival series that was on BBC!!

What did these geniuses do? The woman made sure they looked good in a bikini and the guys buffed up in the gym, so as to look good on TV! None of them could find their ass with both hands and most of them are turning into walking skeletons!

If they had prepared correctly, life would be so much easier for the morons! Then again, the show would be probably even more boring than it is!!!

The seemingly never ending story!

This is your film critic reporting in again!

Went to see Spielburg's Munich today. At almost 3 hours long, I figured it would be a cool (literally) way to pass a lot of the day. As it turns out, thanks to the rain, it wasn't that hot today. The plan also backfired insofar as the film was so long that I got too cold in the fridge, err cinema, despite full battle gear!

Anyhow, I fail to see why this film was made. It was a long meandering and repetitive look at (some of the) Isreali retribution for the Munich Olympic murders. It had an ok beginning, an overlong and unexciting middle and a stupid ending. Along the way, It made half-assed attempts to show the Palestinian justification for their cause. It spent far too much time showing the "hero"'s relationship with a cook with a huge family! It spent the last half an hour or more showing the incredible hulk (Eric Bana!) getting more and more paranoid. Its pacing was all over the place. It made a big song and dance about 11 men being responsible and having to be assassinated and then spent 2 hours showing us about 4 hits (mostly the same) and 2 side missions. It covered the rest with 2 sentences of text and 30 seconds at the end! Also, you'd think it would have a decent ending having had us endure those 3 hours! No one comes out of it smelling of roses and correct me if I'm wrong, but if a story is overlong, repetitive, meandering and hasn't a decent ending, then it's not much of a story is it?!

Beats me how it got nominated for best picture at the Oscars. But then again, since when did the Oscars have anything to do with quality?!

Liven Up!

I never thought I'd say this, but what would I do for a Michael Lowry, P Flynn (or daughter!) , Liam Laylor (RIP) , David Mellor or hell, even Charlie Haughey, out here!

The news is so boring every night, it's unbelievable. The politicians all appear to be consciencious, hard working, altruistic and modest individuals. They don't get that much air time (even the big cheese) and when they do, they always seem diligent and self-effacing. It could be that I just don't watch enough news, I suppose (well, it is boring!).

Come on lads, liven things up!! You're not there for the good of the people; you're there to duck and dive! How about getting wild with a chick, blowing some "company" cash on some nice shirts or receiving some brown paper bags for land re-zoning?! At least waste a few gazillion on non-working computer systems or electronic voting, for goodness sake!!!

Spitting Image

Further to my post yonks ago on the apparent lack of manners in this parts, read a somewhat amusing article in the paper about Beijing and the run up to the Olympics in 2008.

To hopefully prevent us genteel Westerners from getting the wrong idea about them, the Chinese have a civilisation campaign going to "discourage" people from spitting in the street (a common and charming habit there, I believe) , littering, leaving pet poop in the street and the like.

Now that they have the important stuff addressed, if only they'd sort out free speech and other human rights, then they'd be sorted!

Love on the Rocks...

Well, I have some bad news (or good, depending on your point of view e.g. hello Mum!)

Unfortunately, it looks like the love boat has morphed into the Titanic and is going to hit a huge iceberg!

The main iceberg on which it is about to flounder is progeny production. Although that iceberg is a long way off at the moment, we are on a direct collision course with it! Previous rants by me are also a factor, but those could be worked on.

Without getting too personal (although herself gave me permission to post!), the upshot is that I can't see myself ever having sprogs at this juncture. Call me selfish, but that's the way I am. It's only natural that herself would want some, so I'm wasting her time in the long run. This is particularly true because she believes that she is no spring chicken anymore. I came onboard with the best of intentions, thinking that the iceberg might melt (so to speak!), but I'm afraid the opposite is probably true.

Given all that, and throw in the problems finding a job that I've described ad nauseam on this blog, it looks like abandon ship before the it starts listing and sinks into the abyss! A return to terra firma originalis in April is now on the cards! Ah well, twas good while it lasted!

Apologies for all the nautical references, me hearties!!!!

Eats, Shoots and Leaves

As if it wasn't bad enough having to obsess about correct spelling on this blog, I had the misfortune to come across and read that popular punctuation book by Lynne Truss in the library today. It sold loads of copies in the past few years, but I have to say that I didn't particularly enjoy her writing style. Still, the rules were spelt out and it now gives me something else to fret about!

Luckily; I,ve alway's been pretty. good at punctuation- so it won^t be th?at much of a problem for me:!!!

Daylight Robbery

During the course of our wide-ranging discussion at my 'free' lunch (read: extended interview!) yesterday, the lady told me some of the stunts that supermarkets pull over here.

Apparantly, they play "hide the trolley" in the car park, so you won't bother getting your $1 coin back. Even more invidious, perhaps, is the "special offer that we'll conveniently forget about at the till, because most people don't bother checking their bill" stunt. I don't know what is more amazing; the fact that they do this or the fact that everybody knows and it's not illegal and stamped out. I actually caught them doing this to me a few weeks back and had to go to customer service for a refund. They'd have to get up a lot earlier in the morning to get one over on me like that! I'll be monitoring them extra closely from now on!

And I thought the big chains were bad at home! The worst thing (that I can think of!) at home in this area is getting the wrong change, which strangely enough, is always less that what you should get, never more!

A Tale of Two Sittings!

Well, devoted brethren,

I have rushed back from my inquisition(s) to update you all on my performance (or lack of same!).

The first interview was (supposedly) at 11.30am (keep me sweating(literally) for about 15 mins) and went pretty well. There was only one interviewer and we got on pretty well. She's a nice lady - she even bought me lunch afterwards!! She is head of the Design School there, which is not a place a logic oriented, artistically two left-footed individual like myself would usually get a job. She said she needed someone to teach the more technical aspects to her students, so who knows?

After the free(?) lunch, had the other interview at the IT School, where I thought beforehand I would be a better match. Supposedly at 2pm (another 15 mins wait), this time it was a bit of a grilling from three IT nerds. Was anyone ever at an interview where it was obvious that you were not the person for (or going to get) the job?! It ain't pretty, and this was the worst one of those that I can remember! It was partly my fault - I put up a poor defence as I couldn't remember what exactly I applied for (well it was ages since I applied!). After all the preparation and reading reams of information, the one thing I forgot to re-read (the original job description) cost me. No harm - it was quite funny in an excruciatingly painful sort of way as I sidestepped one dodgy question after another! I could be a TD with some of the tangential responses/escapes I came up with!

Ah well! Should know within two weeks if I qualify for the formal interview for the first post. If I was a betting man, I'd bet against it, given her body language on parting. But then again, since when can I read women?!!!

The Polytechnic is about 30 mins from my flat by bus (against the traffic though). It's in a nice area actually beside a reservoir (very lake like!) and the grounds are very well laid out and maintained. The facilities look great. I got there early and went for a look around. The work week is very long (surprise surprise!) - from 8.30am to 6pm Mon-Thurs and a whopping half an hour off on Fri evenings! Lecture load about 23 hours a week (high by Irish standards - I averaged 4 or 5 hours in NUIG!). Their semesters go from April to Aug and Oct to Jan roughly, which is pretty odd. I'd have to lecture during Christmas! The good thing about it is that I landed here at just the right time when they were looking for next year's staff! They have accommodation for lecturers, but not students which is also odd by our standards!

Boy, was I glad to get home though and get out of the interview clothes! In the likely event that I fail in my endeavours to get one of these posts, I suggest that you get the bunting ready, as the outlook here will be grim!

So concludes my longest articulation thus far to you, my loyal acolytes!!!!

Stretching your money....

Not to keep going on about it or anything, but the exploitation out here is something else!

Read a story on the paper yesterday about a guy from Northern Thailand who works in construction here. He works 11 hours a day, 6 days a week for the princely sum of €14/day. He lives in what can only be described as a shantytown shed in the few hours he has off. The funny thing is that he appears to be as happy as Larry. Although it's crap money for us, he's paid off his 2 story house; bought a tractor, a motorbike and a college education for his sister! I know where I'm retiring to!!!!!

Try paying off a 2 storey house in Ireland now on €14 a day!!

Careering around!

I saw a job in the paper yesterday which appeared to be perfect for a person with a scientific and educational background who likes to read!

It was for a job as a "Publication Executive" with a book publishing company. That's a fancy title for an editor with added responsibilities! That's something I've always been interested in and thought I'd be good at. I seemed to match the qualifications and experience (well, sort of anyway!), so it might be a viable career change.

It'll probably come to nothing, but I lobbed in an application anyhow. Can't fault me for application (pun intended!).

The old home town looks the same...

Even though Singapore prides itself on being a garden city and has a lot of nice flowers and green areas, I haven't actually seen a blade of proper grass since I arrived!

What looks like grass here is, on closer inspection, actually a small weed like plant with a few leaves. Old Tom Jones wouldn't be too impressed!!!

Giveaway Budget

I've given out on occasion about the government here also, but again, credit where it's due, their budget (out yesterday) seems good and is unusual by Irish standards.

Instead of fannying around with tax bands etc (ala Ireland) or giving benefits via some sort of share scheme (here previously), everyone gets hard cash! How much you get depends on what your situation is, but more is assigned to the poor and elderly,which is only proper. According to the cursory glance I gave the paper today, individuals can get up to €600 and a certain type of family could get a grand or two (Euros). Poor students and national service (they are always going on about that here!) people get some cash too.

They probably use the funds garnered from fines to pay for it, and unfortunately I'll get nowt, but still it seems a good budget.

The fact that there's an election due soon is totally co-incidental! They must have been watching Bertie's tactics!!!!

Radio Head

I might have given out a tad about the TV here, but credit where it's due, the radio is very good here. I'm becoming wuite a fan.

They play great music and some of the DJs are quite funny. There's none of that mid-Atlantic crap either.

Singapore Job Idol

According to herself, Monday is only stage one of the process and it could be a long road ahead! Apparently, they interview you in stages here, each time with bigger brass until you reach the top man/woman. This could drag on for bloody weeks!

Will I get through the elimination phases? Hope there's no Simon Cowell on the interview panel!

Stay tuned, blogites!!!

Working for a song

At the other end of the dossing scale is the girl in the apartment here. She's after coming back from work just now at 11pm (starts 8.30am). That's a 14.5 hour day and as I said to her - I often worked less in a week!!!.

Her average day is about 12 hours long and she doesn't get any overtime. So for these 60+ hours a week, what princely sum does she earn? About €800/month! I'd probably stick to the iterary I listed in the previous post for that sort of cash (for a 40 hour week, nevermind 60+!).

She was in the same position as me - came here on spec (from Indonesia), was looking for a sponsor for 6 weeks until she had to take what she she was offered. She took the job and they took advantage of her! Ye olde pay them peanuts and work 'em very hard methodology that I mentioned before. I'd be on the plane home before I'd go down that route!

The 5 week itch!

Well folks,

It's 5 weeks today since I landed and I'm still a man of leisure. It's starting to wear a little thin now. Enjoyable as reading books/papers, playing computer games, blogging, playing pool, shopping, walking/jogging, watching TV and surfing the net is, none of it butters any parsnips!

These interviews on Monday come just before I reach the end of my tether. I fear that they are my only real chance of a start. I'm going in in a strong position - I don't really care either way. If I get one of the jobs, great - I'd like to give it a lash here with all the facilities and different teaching method. If I don't get any job on Monday, no worries - I'll probably come back home (unless something appears out of the blue in the next couple of weeks) and that's somewhat appealing also! It's a win-win scenario for me, which reduces the pressure on the day.

And remember that little rant I had last week? I'm biting my tongue at the moment!!!!

Ma-ho-ney mo thóin!!!

It's funny the way you think something is great when you're a young dumb ass!

When I first saw the original Police Academy film (I would never admit to seeing any of the sequels!) years ago as a young teenager (God, I'm getting old!), I thought it was great and yer man who could make the noises was the coolest dude ever.

Boy, was I wrong! Saw the film again the other day, and what a load of rubbish it is too! And those noises were extremely naff!!

Maybe I've just lost my youthful innocence (as well as my long gone youthfulness)!

Lies, damn lies and....

Some miscellaneous useless statistics from my observations thus far:

1. No. of Chinese taller than me: 4
2. No. of Chinese with a beard: 1
3. No. of Chinese with a smig: 1
4. No. of Chinese with a decent looking/non-mangy moustache: 0
5. No. of obvious Chinese lesbians: 2
6. No. of left-handed Chinese: 3
7. No. of Bangladeshis with good jobs: 0
8. No. of Indian millionaires/bullshitters on buses: 1
9. No. of relatively modest looking ang moh punching above their weight with the local lasses: n where 20 < n < 50!!!
10. No. of good looking Asian chicks: N, where N >>n !!!
11. No. of not so good looking Asian chicks: M, where M roughly equals N !!!
12. No. of good looking Asian guys: How the hell would I know!!!

Andele, andele, areeba!!

Found a few interesting books in the library on speed reading. That’s a valuable skill if you read a lot, be it for business or pleasure. The average person reads about 250-350 words per minute. JFK taught himself to speed read and could read 1200 words/minute. F D Roosevelt was known to read a book at a single sitting before breakfast. The world champion (when the book was written!) could read over 4000 words/minute and retain comprehension!

I was always a pretty fast reader, but with a few simple adjustments, I reckon that I’ve doubled my speed. Most of the tips are common sense, but easily overlooked, because we are all taught to read a certain way. You have to practice the more advanced manoeuvres to get up to 1000+ words per minute. I’m starting to notice a difference already. If only I had read such a book years ago!

0.5 points for the reference in the title!

Blowing my own trumpet!

I was pretty (read very!) bored just now and decided to see what other blogs looked like. If you click on the "Next Blog" link on the top right of the screen, it brings you to another, random blog.

Unfortunately, this doesn't not always work well. On 1 click, I happened across a Thai gay page with copious pictures of beefy men in skimpy jocks. Not pleasant! The only thing all the blogs that I did see (and were in English) had in common was that were they were all crap. Aren't you all lucky that mine is so good?!!!! Of course, everyone landing on mine by chance no doubt thinks it's complete rubbish, but what do they know anyway?!

I need to get that job before I'm so bored here, I start watching Chinese soap operas!!!

That John Denver is full of sh*t!

Just back from the obligatory Feb 14th romantic meal for two. We ended up in an Indonesian restaurant - everywhere was packed, given the night that was in it. The grub was pretty good, but we got shafted when we went to pay.

No harm - the real low point of the meal was when herself encouraged me to try a large bit of a chilli pepper. "It's not spicy at all, it's too big to be spicy", she said. "Just take the seeds out - that's what make it spicy", she said". To paraphrase Seve Ballosteros (as said to his caddie) - I don't blame her, I blame me for listening to her!!! The damn thing nearly burnt the mouth off me and there was next to no liquid left on the table. It reminded me a little of that scene from Dumb and Dumber when the 2 idiots hid the super hot chillis in the hitman's food!

Plus Ca Change, Plus C'est La Meme Chose!!

Ah la Francais - une belle langue (n'est pas, K?!!)! Those frogs do have the odd good phrase.

It seems that the left hand doesnt know what the right hand does out here either! After not a dickybird for nearly 3 weeks, I get 2 correspondences from the same department in the one day wanting to talk to me on 2 different days next week! I'm trying to schedule them together obviously, to save myself a hike. I'm not sure what happens if I pass one and fail the other. I guess I better ace the more important one!

And there was I going on about what a great place it appeared to be and it's as bad as NUI, Galway on the admin front! Let's hope there isn't a similar group of petty little squabblers (top man aside!) running the joint here. Wouldn't want my obdurate reputation to follow me here!!!

Stop Press!

No sooner than I had published the previous post, I finally got word about this mythical lecturing job that I applied for! I gave them a reminder stab via email last week, but not sure if that had any effect.

In any case, D-Day is next Monday. While you're all tucked up in bed, I'll be put through the wringer. However, I think she said informal interview, so maybe it won't be an inquisition.

So, start lighting those candles and/or chanting those mantras for me as it's probably my best (only!) shot at a job here!

Singapore Idle!

They are just starting the local version of Pop/American Idol here on TV. Needless to say they are plugging it relentlessly on the box!

If only it was called Singapore Idle, I'd definitely be in there with a shout!!!!

Happy Birthday!

A very special happy birthday wish to my granny, who is 95 today! Only 5 more years to the letter and the cheque from the president , so hang in there!

Congrats, granny and go easy on the booze when you're out on the lash tonight!!