Surprise Announcement!

No - not that! This may not come as much of a surprise for some of you, but I'm afraid this blog is coming to another premature end! As of early St. Stephen's Day, I have been back in the auld sod! Yesterday, after a tearful reunion with my car (mainly because it wouldn't start due to a flat battery!), I finally made it back to the folks' house in deepest Mayo after an almost 5 hour drive. I almost caused a few heart attacks when I got there, but it was worth it!

The job situation was so bad and likely to get even worse in 2009, so really my options were somewhat limited, regardless of the situation with herself. I felt that situation became untenable last weekend so I had no option but to advance the timetable for withdrawal. Upon checking the Internet on the 23rd, I surprisingly got a cheap ticket on the 25th. I thought Christmas week would be out of the question, but I guess not many travel on the day itself. So, I took that unexpected availability as a sign and booked it tout suite! I flew back the same way I went out (via Abu Dhabi with Etihad) and overall the flights were pretty good (insofar as 15 hours on a plane can be!). Leaving herself again was not pleasant, but I feel it was the right thing to do in the long run.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained, eh?! Well, thanks for reading my blog and you can always look forward to the next time I resurrect it!! Now if anyone knows if there are any jobs left in the country, please let me know!!

Christmas - Singapore Style

Well, I can report that Santa came here and was pretty generous! I trust he will be the same as he moves westwards across the planet!

I can also report that Christmas Day is like every other day here. It is a public holiday, so people are off work, but that's the only difference that I've noticed so far. They try to talk it up on TV, but the locals don't seem to be that bothered about the festive season. Why would they, when most of them aren't Christians, I suppose? According to the CIA handbook, only about 14.6% of the population here is Christian. There is roughly the same number of Muslims and atheists, but all three groups are way behind the runaway leader (Buddhism) which has an impressive flock (42.5%).

The weather is very overcast, so it's not particularly hot today either. I don't think that there's much chance of snow though!

Ambassadors in Singapore Breathe a Sigh of Relief!

There was a "scare" lately here in Singapore over fake sub-par Ferrero Rocher chocolates. All the diplomatic missions were in a flap as it looked like the ambassadors would have to cancel their Christmas parties!

I'm glad to report that it turned out to be a false alarm and the hobnobbing was able to continue in earnest!

Happy Christmas Everyone!

As I gear up for my first hot holiday season (!!), I'd like to take this opportunity to wish all my fans, err readers I mean, a Happy Christmas and Merry New Year!! While you're all gorging on turkey, I'll probably be tucking into some festive San lau hor fun! At least I won't be eating leftovers for a week afterwards!

Santa will be here 8 hours before Ireland, so I'll report how generous he is this year tomorrow morning!!!

Aidan and the Temple of Doom!

I went on a different route for my walk yesterday evening and I came across this very ornate temple close to the flat. It was most impressive, especially the multi-armed god (possible Shiva!) on top of the cow that you can just see on the right of the third picture!

I presume it's a Hindu temple. There was an elaborate ceremony going on inside with some very enthusiastic participants. I don't think it was the Nativity play they were doing!

It's the Way You Tell 'Em

Speaking of Singapore and wars, the armed forces run an impressive set of ads here on TV to entice new recruits. They take their army very seriously out here and all Singaporean males have to do 2 years armed service on turning 18. It's just as well the ads are good; at least the conscripts will think they're on a winner up until they meet their Sergeant-Major for the first time!

One particular ad struck me as strange as it kept going on about Singapore's fine record in battle and so on. Now, Singapore has only been independent since 1965 and hasn't taken over any countries or repelled any barbarians since, so I was slightly amused. I believe this ''creative advertising" refers to peacekeeping and possibly humanitarian roles, which makes Ireland's army an elite fighting force too!

Rockall, Asian Style

Apparently, World War 3 nearly broke out here a couple of years ago between Singapore and Malaysia over 3 disputed "islands". Known as Pedra Branca in Singapore, they are back in the news this week again because someone wrote a book about the struggle for the sovereign territory.

I finally got a look at what the hullabaloo was about on the telly yesterday. Basically, it seemed to me that it was just 3 piles of rock which barely broke the surface! In fairness, one pile has a lighthouse on it so it was more significant. Like with Rockall, it's not so much what they are, but where they are. While looking at them, you'd think that it would hardly be worth getting your knickers in a flap over them, they have huge strategic value in the region. Because of that, also like Rockall, politicians have been sailing out to the rocks claiming them for their respective countries. However, no Singaporean politician has done a "Seán Dublin Bay Loftus" yet and shown his commitment to the cause by legally renamed himself with the name of the "islands"!

For those interested, the current state of play for Singapore is lost 1, won 1 (the main pile!) and the third pile is still disputed! Looking at the map, they are much closer to Malaysia and even Indonesia than Singapore, so the locals can count themselves lucky that the Brits stuck their oar in years ago and gave them historical grounds for victory!

Chez Nous!

For those of you interested, this is the flat where I have been staying! The red arrow marks the balcony from which the picture taken in the last post was taken. It doesn't look too bad from this angle!

I took various pictures of the inside the last time I was here. If you're bored, check out the kitchen and living area!

What a Difference a Few Years Make

I posted the last time I was here about the scandalous treatment of Bangladeshi construction workers and how they lived on site during construction of the apartment building across from my flat.

Well, above is the somewhat nicer view from the same spot (apologies for the light - it was getting late when I thought of taking the picture!). I wonder if the yuppies living in the million dollar (500k Euro) apartments know or care about the poor fellows who built their swanky new pads?!

It would be interesting to know what percentage of the overall profits the developer got and what percentage went on wages to the Bangladeshis. I know the developer took all the risk (not much at that time!), but I'm sure that won't explain the huge discrepancy as well as greed does!

Thought for Food!

I actually like the food out here, it has to be said. Here is a short list of some of my favourites:

• San lau hor fun - still as good as ever!
• Sliced fish with ginger - served with rice (naturally) and an egg for some reason.
• Yong Tau Fu - this is basically a soup whose ingredients you pick yourself. You hand the bowl over with your selection and they combine it with noodles or rice and make it into a soup. Yummy!
• Fish soup - sliced fish in a broth. What else did you think it was?! They throw in veg and rice too.
  
• Seasame red bean bun - very tasty spherical snack. The sesame seeds really make this!
  
• Bo bo cha cha - also still pretty nice!
• Durian - the stinkiest fruit in the world, but I like it, particularly in ice cream.
  
• Custard, kaya, apple and mushroom bread - all good!
  

There are so many other things here that are good also, but these are the main ones that I eat on a regular basis. All can be had for very reasonable prices here, so it's a wonder I'm not piling on the pounds!

Films With an Extra Dimension

They have a few 3D cinemas here in Singapore, so I thought I'd take the opportunity today to see what all the hype was about. Unfortunately, the only thing on in 3D was "Journey to the Centre of the Earth", so I had to go and see it. Unfortunately, I had already seen in in 2D, but I was hoping that the extra dimension would improve it! It didn't! At least I'd be in a good position to note the differences between the 2 versions.

I didn't know exactly what to expect as I went in with my winter clobber on (they really overdo the air conditioning in cinemas here!). I was rather excited as the girl handed me the surprising robust Dolby 3D glasses with the slightly tinted blue and red lenses. That meant I had 6 eyes looking at the screen, but I soon got used to it! Now, because 3D works by projecting a different image to each eye simultaneously (which the brain merges into one 3D image), I was worried that 3D wouldn't work at all or very well for me because of my lazy eye. I basically only use my left eye, except for my peripheral vision to the right. However, I can happily report that it appeared to work. I can't say if it worked as well for me as a normal sighted person though, as I had no one with me to compare notes with.

I don't know if I expected to be in the centre of the action or what, but I found the whole thing a bit gimmicky and useless. It failed to add anything worthwhile to the story or to the enjoyment of the film. You understand why there are so many scenes of objects coming towards the camera(s) once you seen it in 3D though. Things like tape measures, yo-yos, birds and sails do appear to jump out from the screen into the space between you and it. Occasionally, depending on the angle, the actor appeared closer than normal also. And that was about it really, for me anyway.

Overall, given my excitement beforehand, I was distinctly underwhelmed and would re-assure you film buffs stuck in 2D land that you really aren't missing much...yet!

It's my Party and I'll Change the Plan if I Want To!

It was herself's birthday yesterday. Usually that means don't mention the war, but she took getting older remarkably well for a woman! We (read she!) decided that we'd go out for dinner to some flash place in the city centre. Since it was her birthday, I didn't mind taking the inevitable hit on the wallet!

We were supposed to be there for 8pm, but as usual she was late. That meant a change in plan to some Italian place in the vicinity. Great I thought; I won't have to wait as long to eat and it'll be cheaper!! It was on the way that she dropped the bombshell. Over here, apparently when it's your birthday you treat the person, not the other way around. Despite my protestations that it made no sense, that's the way it was going to be.

Anyway, we got to the place and had the meal (which was OK), during which she said we could always go to the swanky place on my birthday (coming up the week after Christmas!). Why didn't that surprise me, I wonder?! To cap it all, she took out a voucher and part paid the bill with it! Is it just me or is that rodent odour I detect?!!

TV Channel of the Year

It was announced the other day that the local TV channel had won the Terrestrial Channel of the Year in the Asian TV Awards. God, I really feel for the people of Asia if that crappy channel is the best the continent has to offer! Mind you, after seeing a few Malay, Chinese, Tamil and Vietnamese channels lately, the competition can't exactly be regarded as stiff!

Now I know why cable TV is so popular in this part of the world!

Grim Reading

I've being perusing the on-line ex-pat forums in a desperate attempt to find inspiration for the job hunt! However, rather than being inspired, I've ended up even more deflated! Luckily, I'm full of hot air, so full deflation is a while off yet!

The gist of what I read is that I'm screwed! Not only have you not got a prayer of getting a job that a Singaporean can do, the attitude of the natives leaves a lot to be desired. Similar to Ireland, they don't mind the foreigners doing the menial work, just as long as they stay away from the good jobs that are their birthright!!

I detected a nasty undercurrent of resentment among the on-line fraternity, but that doesn't really surprise me to be honest. They'll never wins awards for character out here anyway, that's for sure!

Government Housing

Despite property prices having gone crazy over here, that highly paid government haven't being sitting on their hands or on their private yachts in the South of France!

The mystery of how the ordinary pleb gets a roof over his head has been solved! The government built HDB flats can be had for as little as €38,000 for a 2 bedroom unit. I saw a news report the other day about a new development and very nice they are too.

This being Singapore, the world's foremost lover of red tape, the purchase price and the buying procedure are tightly controlled by the government with a myriad of rules and regulations. There is a complicated, but, it has to be said, fair policy for selecting recipients off the housing lists. Once they are ensconced in their little nests, there are even more rules and regulations; they can not rent it or sell it for 5 years and even then, they better have a good reason!

Since it's government subsidised housing, they don't want to have speculation in this market, so not only is the original purchase price strictly controlled, but so is the resale value. This makes it difficult for anyone to make a quick buck out of the government's generosity. It also quells price inflation in the public housing sector that would take many out of the housing market. Sensible policies, just like we had at home during our boom!!

Suits You, Sir!

Speaking of shopping, one thing you notice when you're shopping here is the number of sales assistants there are. This is especially true in electronics shops, where you can't turn sideways without bumping into one! I don't know how they can all make a living, but I guess they do! Herself reckons that each of them is an expert on a certain type of gizmo. By the looks of things, retailers like Harvey Norman seem to have an expert for every gizmo they sell!

You'd think that service would be great with so many employees milling around, but you'd be wrong. If you're not buying their gizmo, they couldn't care less as it's not going to be a commission for them. It is quite strange to walk unhindered amongst a gaggle of indifferent sales assistants, but I guess it's worse when they won't leave you alone!

Christmas Crush

We went down to the main street in the centre of Singapore (Orchard Road) yesterday evening as herself wanted to do even more shopping. And boy, was it thronged?! You'd swear it was the last weekend before Christmas or something! They had the place done up well with plenty of lights, as you can sort of see from the first picture.

There was people everywhere and herself even got a headache from the crowds. I found that the shopping gave me a pain in the behind! I was surprised that the police force was so out of date though. The second picture shows Officers Charlie Chanius and Brucius Lee about to escort some troublemakers to the Colosseum!

I should have stayed in the flat, but it was nice to get out and about for a change. Pity it had to be out and about among the clothes shops! She had to pick possibly the only shopping centre in Singapore with no book or electronics shops, so there was absolutely nothing for me to go off and look at (I tried!). So, I spent almost all the time traipsing after her, including the longest 45 minutes of my life in one particular shop while she agonised over a few dresses. Still, the talent was good, so it's true what they say about an ill wind!

If You Thought Our Pork Was Contaminated....

...then spare a thought for The Philippines! Just read on the paper that they found a strain of Ebola in some of their pigs last week!! Now while it supposedly wasn't a strain that was dangerous to humans, I think I'd take my chances with the Irish pork first!

Better to catch cancer in the distant future from dioxins than die a horrible death from haemorrhagic fever in a few weeks! It's times like this that I'm glad I don't eat meat!

In One Door, Out the Other

You wouldn't want to be superstitious going to the cinema here. Went again last night with herself. It was nice to get out of the cell, err, I mean room for a change! We went to see the remake of "When the World Stood Still" with Keanu "Brando" Reeves. A brilliant vehicle for him as it required him to star as a wooden alien! Or, was that his interpretation of the role?!

The film was OK, but the more I thought about it, the worse it got, so I stopped thinking about it! The central premise was good (and valid!), although the execution was somewhat wishy-washy. A couple of familiar faces from the 'Prison Break'' and 'Mad Men' TV shows made their big screen debuts and interestingly, the part-Chinese Reeves spoke in some pretty obvious beginner's Mandarin in one scene. There was no noticeable sniggering in the theatre from the Mandarin speakers, but they even subtitled the Mandarin in Mandarin so it couldn't have been that good! You'd have thought an advanced life form would have spoken Mandarin as well as it/he spoke English! Another amusing thing (for the people of South Galway in particular) was that the huge alien robot was dubbed "GORT" by the gung-ho Yanks!

When the film was over, they herded us out the emergency exit directly and out of the theatre area altogether. They always do that here and I guess it makes sense; it does make the old student trick of seeing a couple of films for the price of one more challenging!

Good Point!

Herself asked me yesterday if was I mentioning on my cover letters that I held a Long Term Visit Pass. I hadn't thought of doing it was the honest answer. As she pointed out, that will tell prospective employers that obtaining an Employment Pass would be a formality as I've passed the stringent educational, legal and medical tests for getting into Singapore.

That should make them less apprehensive about taking me on. I shall shall have it in big bold letters from now on! I don't think it will want to pay me any more money though!

Judge a Book By its Cover

I was walking into the local bookshop yesterday when a certain book title attracted my attention. Mission accomplished then, as far as the publisher's marketing department was concerned! In fact, I had walked right by the display table by the time my brain had asked "Did I just see 'Do Bats have Bollocks'?" on that book cover (I do walk pretty quickly!).

On backtracking, I confirmed that indeed, that was the title of the high brow publication! I'm no prude, but really, do we have to sink to that level to try to flog a book?! Outside of the UK and Ireland, I'm not sure if this charming bit of alliteration would be understood by many anyway. This would explain why it was prominently displayed in a family bookshop here in Singapore! While browsing between the covers, I understood why they needed the marketing gimmick!

Crap on the Most Vulnerable...Again

I was quite harsh on the treatment of Bangladeshis and other 5th class citizens the last time I was here. The natives could really do with a "Fr. Ted" (a kick up the arse!) in this respect, e.g. for the shoddy treatment of maids (no time off, long hours & occasional beatings) and construction workers (having to live on the site and work long hours for little reward).

Well, they are at it again! Who's the first to suffer in the downturn? Not the developer in his mansion or the agent taking a cut for each slave, that's for sure. Some 179 Bangladeshi construction workers were left jobless, homeless and foodless yesterday without any notice whatsoever. Most claimed not to gave got their pittance for up to 3 months. They had to beg the media for the government to give them food as they hadn't eaten for a day. The agent just vamoosed (with their passports of course), leaving them practically destitute in their dormitory, the rent for which was unpaid. Yes, it's a great country alright.

Cads, Bounders and Slappers - Beware!

Don't move to South Korea if you fit one of the above epithets! I was reading on the paper yesterday that adultery is actually illegal there. Some actress was just sent to jail for a few months for this heinous act of immorality. She tried unsuccessfully to get the law repealed, but it's still going strong 55 years after its inception. Interestingly, that makes it about the time of the Korean War. I wonder if the men folk were worried that their women would run off with the Yanks?!

I suppose it beats being stoned or otherwise "honourably" killed, like what happens to adulterers (female ones only, of course) in other parts of the world!

If You Thought Our Shower Were Overpaid....

I couldn't believe it the other day when I read that the Prime Minister here gets about €1.5 million a year! That's right, an unbelievable 5 times as much as Biffo (who is one of the highest paid leaders in the West) and 6 times more than the shoe dodger in the White House!

After further research, I believe that Singapore tops the world league for politician's pay. I feel my civic duty welling up inside me!!! Ministers earn a little less, but I must say that it seems very excessive indeed. Mind you, they seem to do a good job, but by God, they'd want to!

The interesting thing about it though, is that a portion (25%) of their salary is linked to the GDP of the country. So, if they make a hash of things or, as now, there's a global recession, their salary goes down. By the same token, if they do things well, their salary increases. Can you imagine those incompetent fools in Leinster House going for a scheme like that? Me neither!

Overall, it's probably a great idea. With well paid politicians, the chance of corruption is much lower and they have a strong personal incentive to not make a mess of things!

The Mist Has Cleared!

Well, after 36 hours, the migraine has thankfully abated and I'm back to fighting fitness again (except for the dodgy knee and mysterious finger pain I've been having these last few months!). To celebrate, I left the flat and went for a game of pool.

I booked a 9 foot table and after a few brutal racks, started hitting the ball reasonably well. Then I decided that, as it was a big table, I'd use the pool balls to play snooker. I had been watching a bit of snooker on YouTube lately (including the match that was allegedly fixed), so that got me in the mood, I guess.

So with 9 "reds", I broke off for a few frames. The locals didn't know what the hell I was doing, but I didn't care. After a bad opening frame, I broke off in the next and promptly got a break of 46! I tragically missed a fairly easy yellow with the 2 remaining reds available. Granted, the pockets were like buckets, but it was a great feeling to swan around the table almost like a pro.

Don't worry, I enjoyed it while it lasted!

Migraine

If any one has any cures or methods to alleviate migraines, feel free to drop me a line! The tell tale signs started yesterday evening when my vision started going wonky. The headache set in a couple of hours later and has graciously decided to hang around!

I will consider remedies that are natural, pharmaceutical, alternative or hollistic in nature. Suggestions from medical personnel, old wives, indians, shamans or witchdoctors welcome!

Hard to Credit!

I went into the mobile phone shop here the other day to top up my phone. Like home, I expected to be able to top up by logical amounts, like $10 and $20 perhaps. But, oh no, how about $6 (€3) or $18 (€9), sir?!

I know 6 is a perfect number and all, but it's a bit on the low side for a mobile phone top up! Even if mobile charges are way cheaper here (no surprise there!), I can't see the logic of going to the trouble of processing a top-up amount that small. I don't know how it works in Ireland (I've always had a bill pay phone), but here the top up is a plastic wrapped credit card like thing with a coating that you scratch off to reveal the top up and pin numbers.

Imagine getting a €3 top up in Ireland? It would almost be gone by the time you got out of the shop!

Some More Equal Than Others

Saw an interesting program about China on the TV this morning. Apparently, there is a huge gap between the rich and the poor there now. Hang on a minute, I thought. Isn't this still supposed to be a communist country? As ever, human nature gets in the way of such lofty ideals as sharing everything out among the proletariat.

So, while hundreds of millions of peasants are living in abject poverty in the Chinese heartland, the sophisticated urbanites in the coastal cities are spending thousands of dollars on glitzy handbags, watches, fancy cars and the like. Call me a real commie, but there's something wrong there somewhere!

That's my rant for the day over!

Carsick!

I just noticed the other day that one of the neighbours has a car almost exactly the same as mine. Now while the Ford Focus is everywhere at home, I've only seen a handful out here and they were all hatchbacks. Since cars are so expensive here, people tend to go for big cars while they're at it.

So, to see a silver Focus saloon out of the hole in the wall was quite a surprise. I must admit is has led to some hankering for my own unsellable and unloved baby, currently idling behind a friend's house! Looking on the bright side, considering the rate of pay I could expect here (assuming, of course, I could get a job!), I can have my own car here in about 2020!

Is my Blog Hot or Not?!

I have added a whistle and bell to the bottom of each post, so I can gather feedback. I wouldn't want to be boring too many of you now, would I?! After reading a post, just tick the appropriate box in the Reactions section, if you could be bothered! I'd have liked to have more options, but Blogger's infuriating template editing functionality (or lack of same) put paid to that!

Just remember that deep deep deep down, I'm very sensitive!!

Price Watch 2

Further to my first such post, here is a list of further price observations:

1. The cinema is about half the price here as it is at home. The movies are very popular here, mainly because it's not much more than renting a DVD. As a result, there are very few DVD rental outlets here.
2. Music CDs can be got pretty cheaply for anyone who still buys them!
3. Movie/TV series DVDs are cheaper to buy.
4. I forgot the obvious the last time. Rice is practically given away out here!
5. Vitamins and other dietary supplements seem to be very expensive here. This needs further research to confirm though!
6. Books are about the same price, being slightly more expensive if anything.
7. Cards (birthday etc.) seem to be pretty expensive out here.
8. PCs/Laptops appear to be a little cheaper here.
9. The standard variable mortgage interest rate here is about 2.5%. I believe this is less than what is available in Ireland now!
10. Not that this affects me much, but alcohol is expensive out here!

Job Latest

Well I got an email today, four days after I prodded them for a progress report. Mother, your prayers are working! I didn't qualify for the next stage for the most likely opportunity that I had. I think I did a good interview, even if it was somewhat difficult given it was for 2 totally different jobs at the same time! I guess they were worried that I wouldn't work for peanuts. They certainly mentioned it often enough during the interrogation. They were right!

The white smoke from the only other interview I did is due in the next week or so. I'm not expecting that to bear much fruit either even though I got on well with the interviewer. Aside from that, I'm still lobbing applications into the black hole, with little hope of any tangible benefits accruing.

It's a Miracle!

I know it's not quite the Virgin Mary on a slice of toast, but when I saw the above pothole just outside our apartment block, I thought it looked familiar!

Now maybe it's a sign that I'm getting homesick, but every time I pass it I think it looks a bit like the auld sod! What do you reckon? Am I crazy or what?!

Bolstering Your Cuddling Time!

In a final post on bed linen, I've noticed that over here, a duvet set is not quite the same as it is at home. In a single set, you get the cover, 1 pillow case and 1 bolster cover. Yes, you're expected to need only the one pillow and to have the long cylindrical pillow (known as a bolster, to all fellow bed ware ignoramuses out there!).

According to herself, one of the main uses for this is as a "cuddle buddy". I kid you not: apparently Asians (as well as most heterosexual Western guys!) aren't big on the whole cuddling thing. This is true here even among married couples. Enter the bolster to fill the breach. Herself told me an Asian joke about it which was possibly the worst joke that I've ever heard (not being Asian and all!). The joke went like "Why don't Ang Mohs (Westerners) use bolsters?" with the hilarious punchline "Because they hug their partners". This is quite funny out here, I'm told!

I must admit it does feel somewhat comfortable to wrap oneself around it. It doesn't fart or complain when you want to turn either!

Knot a Chance!

Yesterday, I had to do one of the chores I least like doing: change the duvet cover! Well, my friends, it is far worse over here. 'How could it possibly be?', I hear you exclaim! Here's how: some genius thought it would be a good idea if you sowed a number of loops into each duvet. Then you could have strings on your duvet cover and tie them to the actual duvet.

While I can see the thinking behind it, I've never ever seen or heard of a duvet falling out of a duvet cover once it has been put in! Herself made me change my duvet cover, which she had thoughtfully put on the duvet prior to my arrival. She had also thoughtfully tied it in via seven (yes, 7) knots. It must have taken me the best part of 10 minutes and many mumbled "jeepers" to liberate the bloody quilt from its cover. I don't think even Harry Houdini himself could have done it much quicker!!

That's usually the easy part. Getting the new cover on is the tough part. Herself left me to do it, with specific instructions to tie it in (of course). I completely ignored those instructions (of course) as it was a complete waste of time. I had successfully completed the task to my satisfaction, but that didn't stop herself from redoing it to hers!! Women!

Jeepers Creepers

In an effort to cut down on profanity, I've started to use "jeepers" as a less severe expression of exasperation or frustration. There has been a lot of that around lately, so it has been creeping into my speech more and more!

Herself hadn't been aware of this word and has found it most amusing for some reason. I remember that a cousin of mine used to say it and we thought it was funny as well, so that's fair enough!

Red Alert!

Well, devotees, I have been very busy the last few days adding more IT skills to my repertoire. I've been learning how to add cool functionality to websites to make them more responsive (and therefore better) for web surfers. This stuff is all the rage now in web development, so I had to tackle it and it has certainly helped pass the time between job applications.

It was all going swimmingly well, until I noticed an intermittant problem (the worst kind!), which resulted in 2 hard days of work and no completely satisfactory solution. Oh, the joys of programming! The only break from the laptop has been the daily constitutional just after 6pm, when the weather has cooled sufficiently.

I've been taking different routes and I've noticed that a lot of the houses have an "open everything" policy. Whatever they have available (windows, doors, gates etc.), they open to let whatever breeze there is, in. Our own place here is well ventilated, having that hole in the wall and a balcony door always open. Because of this policy, you can have a good gawk into the bowels of a lot of ground floor living spaces. I've ascertained that light coloured paint and tiles is by far the most prevelant home decor schemes (for obvious reasons)!

One particular area in the general vicinity has a number of dodgy looking bars in it. I remarked to herself that there seems to be a few suspiciously tarty women hanging around outside them. I was breezily informed that that area is considered something of a minor red light district!

So, it's not all bad here after all!!!!!

Dreaming of PFOs

While the job hunt is stumbling on here, I'm getting a bit nostalgic for the good old PFO (rejection letter). As more and more of my job applications disappear into the black hole of cyberspace, often never to be heard of again, it's becoming apparent that the once dreaded PFO is actually not so bad after all.

Like the reason your partner is really breaking up with you, it's always better to know the story in my opinion. At least, if the company had the manners to send you the bloody letter, you could put it to bed and move on. Here, you don't know when or if something is going to pop out of the woodwork. I remember the last time I came here, it was almost 2 months after an interview that I heard back, by which time I had returned home!

There are fewer jobs available in the last fews weeks. That is probably due to the fact that no one hires before bonus season (end of the month), but the world wide recession obviously isn't helping either. I haven't heard back from the interviews that I did, which good be good, bad or neutral! I fired off an email today about 2 of them, but of course it's only been a month so I mightn't hear anything back for a while!!

Thank God for TV3!

I never thought I'd say those words in that order, ever! But, credit where it's due, TV Tack's new look website has been very useful for me since I arrived here. I've been able to continue watching The Apprentice which was about half way through its run when I left Erin's fair shores!

And a well produced series it was too, although the eventual winner was pretty obvious from a long way out. I also have been using the site to keep up with (hangs head in shame) the X Factor. I know, I know, but no one's perfect, not even me!

Happy Birthday!

It's a public holiday here in Singapore today. And just like many such holidays at home, the weather is cat here! It's also my mother's birthday, so happy birthday, Mum! The two events are not related!

It's a public holiday because it's a major Muslim holy day, not because it's a Catholic holy day. It goes under many names around the world, but here it's called "Hari Raya Haji" (Celebration Day of the Hajj). Apparently, it commemorates the willingness of Abraham to sacrifice his son as an act of obedience to God.

So now you know! Educational and informative, this blog will make you smarter!

Pig Out!

I was reading about the Irish pork problem on the web this morning, but I was quite surprised to hear them talk about it on the radio here in Singapore.

In not exactly Bord Bia's greatest moment, people were advised to throw out Irish pork products as they had been contaminated with dioxins. Now that we've on a par with China (contaminated milk products), that should really do wonders for our international trade!

Skype Button Added to Blog

I've just discovered that I can put a Skype button on this blog, so I have! And rather nifty it is too. If you miss me terribly and need to hear my dulcet tones, simply click on the prominent blue button on the RHS of this page if it says I'm online.

For the less technical savvy out there, you must be a Skype user yourself (Skype is an excellent program for free text/voice/video chatting over the Internet). You can also ring ordinary landlines (very cheap) and mobile phones (not so) worldwide using the same software. I use it myself all the time!

Note to self: Ask Skype for free credit for this advert!!!!

Shop Till You Drop

Women of Ireland - prepare to drool! Singapore is great for shopping all year, but especially so around Christmas. They don't just have sales after Christmas, but before it as well.

Herself dragged me around a large shopping centre yesterday, where discounts of 30% were commonplace. In one shop, I managed to pick up a nice shirt for about €1.50, although that also with the use of a voucher I had gotten with a previous purchase there!

Mostly, however, I trailed around after herself as we went from one shop to another. During a sojourn of seemingly indeterminate length in one particular boutique, I was thoughtfully offered a chair by staff while I waited. That was much appreciated and I actually nodded off on it at one point!

Another interesting thing that they do out here is that some retailers give you special deals in your birthday month. Some actually send you out vouchers in the post. Obviously, they have to have your details for this to work! As herself was born in December, she qualifies for some extra discounts in certain shops this month. Quite a good idea for generating sales, I think.

Month's Mind

I posted a similar list last time, so why not again?! I've been here exactly a month today and here are a few miscallaneous observations thus far:

1. No. of Chinese taller than me (I'm about 6'2"): 1
2. No. of left-handed Chinese: 4
3. No. of obvious Chinese lesbians: 3
4. No. of obvious Chinese homosexuals: 6 (all in or around hair salons!)
5. Coldest day: Last Thursday. I went out just after the rain stopped and with the wind chill factor, it felt freezing. It must have been as low as low as 20 or 21 Celsius! I almost didn't feel warm in my light shirt!
6. Worst creepy crawlie: Whatever the hell bit me while I was asleep the other night. I woke up with 2 welts that have been itchy ever since!
7. Best thing so far: Being in a relationship (for the women), seeing Padraig Harrington play golf at very close quarters (for the men). The massage is a close second though!
8. Worst thing so far: The second Vietnam war and the ensuing stand-off!
9. Estimated chances of getting a suitable well paid job: 1%
10. Estimated chances of getting a suitable decently paid job: 7%
11. Estimated chances of getting a suitable job with crap pay: 15%
12. Best things here compared to home: public transport, food, shopping, low tax
13. Worst things here compared to home: TV, the heat/humidity, general manners/attitute to others

R Word

I stated the other week that things don't seem to be quite as bad out here and that they don't seem to be talking things down as much as they do as home. Having been here that bit longer now, I can say that there is definitely talk of recession here, but they still tend to put a much more positive spin on things.

Just yesterday, the Prime Minister here was quoted as saying that while the world was in recession, he didn't expect it to last for more than a year and the long term outlook was pretty good. This tends to give confidence to the plebs, which can only be a good thing especially when it comes to getting them to spend. Contrast that to home where you have George "The Grim Reaper" Lee et al putting the heebee jeebies up everyone!

The big "R" word here is retrenchment, not recession. As far as I can tell, this is what we call redundancy at home, the difference being mainly a matter of semantics. As the economy shrinks, companies are letting go staff, especially before the bonus season (end of December). After a major retrenchment by a large bank (surprise, surprise!), the government is practically pleading with companies to reduce bonuses and/or salaries rather then cut staff completely. This is especially important in a non-welfare state, where you can't fall back on government hand outs.

Nerd Nirvana

Today I had to go down and collect my one year social visit pass from Immigration. This was the culmination of a lot of red tape, including copious amounts of form filling and fairly comprehensive medical testing (including AIDS and a chest X-Ray). The laminated card I got this morning (after much ado) contains my mugshot and fingerprint and will allow me to stay here for a year while looking for a job. Had I noticed that my initial visa had granted me 3 months (not the 1 month I had assumed), I mightn't have bothered as it's obviously not as onerous as having to leave the country every 4 weeks.

Anyway, I had noted that the Immigration office was fairly close to the famous Raffles Hotel, so I thought I'd go down for a look at one of the last vestiges of colonial Blighty. Unfortunately, I forgot my camera, but a jolly spiffing place it is! On the way there, I passed the ginormous National Library. What book worm worth his salt could pass up that opportunity? On the way back from the hotel, I popped in for a look see. While it practically takes up an entire block and has 16 floors (although not all for books, as such), it's not the most visitor friendly place I've ever been. There were hardly and maps or guides around at all and hard to figure out where one should go. Despite that, I managed to stumble into a room on the 7th floor with an impressive collection of books and periodicals. I must definitely go back for further exploration, perhaps when I've motored through all the books in the impressive enough local library!

War Zones

In a final thought on the Vietnam trip, it occured to me yesterday that, as luck would have it, I've been to a good number of the countries which hosted/caused the major conflicts of the 20th century. I've been to:

• France, Belgium, Italy and Germany from WW1


• As above, plus the UK, Japan, Hawaii (Pearl Harbour) and even Singapore from WW2


• Korea


• Vietnam

The only significant gap that I can think of in this macabre CV is Iraq (from the 1st Gulf War). However, I'm not exactly Robert Capa, chasing danger around the world! I tend to wait until at least 33 years after the end of hostilities to visit the country in question. Therefore, it could be some time before I get round to plugging that gap!

A Ryanair in Tiger's Clothing!

We flew to Vietnam on Asia's answer to the Michael O'Leary empire - Tiger Airways. This budget carrier is almost an exact facsimile of that warm, welcoming Irish operation, i.e. they try to charge you for breathing on the plane!

To be fair to Tiger Airways, there was less of a 'herding effect' and the crew were much friendlier (no surprise there!). I haven't heard their CEO spouting off (entertainingly or otherwise) in the media either! The only operational differences between the two penny pinching carriers that I noticed were that they don't try to force you to check in online and they actually assign you a seat at check-in. No argie-bargie in the sprint for a good seat then, which is just as well s I got the emergency exit row with all the legroom on both flights.

Being on that row, we got the standard extra safety spiel about assisting with evacuation in case of an emergency. On the way there, the Chinese attendant gave a largely incomprehensible speech (supposedly in English) while pointing at the emergency door. He then asked at the end "Any questions?". My immediate thought was "Yeah, what in the hell did you just say?"!!!

Spending like Michael Jackson

I forgot to mention yesterday (yes, I forgot something in 20 posts, a personal daily record!) about the economy in Vietnam. The local currency is the Dong and €1 is roughly D22,000. You read that correctly - about €50 makes you a millionaire. Unfortunately, everything is priced accordingly, so it helps to know your 22,000 times tables! You feel like Michael Jackson on a Vegas shopping spree as nic-nacks, meals etc are D40,000, D90,000, D150,000 and so on!

The trip certainly helped to keep the grey cells in tip-top shape! Luckily, maths and mental calculations have always been a strong point and so I was moving the decimal point 3 places to the left and dividing by 22 like a pro in no time. As usual, herself was also using me as a human calculator for Singapore dollar calculations! Luckily, it's half as strong as the Euro ($1=D11,000), so that wasn't too onerous.

Unfortunately, they also accept (and set prices in) the US dollar out there, particularly in tourist shops, into which I was often dragged! US$1 is about D17,000, which made conversion between the 3 somewhat more complicated. However, despite being an awkward number to work with, it happened to be about half way between the Singapore dollar and the Euro which made it easy enough. I can proudly boast that I usually beat the calculator (or more accurately, the people using it!) with a pretty good approximation. Prof. Imbusch would have been proud!

In general, things were cheap put there which is another plus point that I forgot to mention in my summary yesterday. Even in the tourist areas, good meals could be had for a few Euro (or a mere 60 grand in local paper!). Generally, souvenirs and so forth were not extravagantly priced in the tourist shops. When dealing with the locals in a market though, of course you have to haggle to avoid being shafted. Usually the calculator is used as a universal translator as offer and counter offer are punched in with much gusto. I was guided by that great man, George Costanza, who once said that a salesman's biggest fear is the walk out. We used that potent weapon to great effect!

Vietnam Trip Summary

While it was an experience well worth having, I don't think I'd be in a rush back to Ho Chi Minh City. Like most places outside of Singapore in this region, it is pretty poor, grotty and hopelessly overcrowded. It was nice to get back to clean and crowded Singapore, even though it is considerably hotter and stickier here at the moment.

Also, in Vietnam, it was hard to move without some local trying to harass you into buying something and there is almost nothing worth seeing in Ho Chi Minh itself. The Mekong Delta isn't that exciting either, so as I said in a previous summary, read this blog and look at the pics instead of going! I'm sure there are much nicer areas in Vietnam to go to, if you are so inclined.

However, for the food and especially massages, I'd highly recommend it! If you go for the latter, ask for Kim and say the hairy man sent you!!!!

Vietnamese Culture

On the whole, the local food was nice and very cheap, even in tourist areas. They appear to be rather fond of pork and chicken, so not unlike anywhere, outside of Muslim and Jewish regions. As a fish eating pseudo-vegetarian, there were plenty of options, so all in all, a good score on that front.

The language seems high pitched (as noted previously) and appears to be even harder to learn than Chinese. It has more tones than Chinese and you can seemingly combine them to form even more! At least it uses a Latin script now so you can read it.

With any language, you can spot funny words or phonetics in your own language. A lot of words seemed to begin in Ph or Th, lending itself nicely to English. In particular, "phat" and "phuc" were very common on signs, but unfortunately never saw them together! The addresses on a restaurant menu (above) did have a couple of interesting ones (with a little imagination). I got "Thin Tw*t" and the other more obvious one!

Vietnamese Architecture 2

An uninformed person might think that Vietnam sheltered more Nazis after World War 2 than Argentina and Brazil combined, judging by all the swastikas on buildings and tombs (see above). However, it has been a symbol of things like life, power, strength and good luck for thousands of years, long before those deluded psychopaths got their mitts on it.

Speaking of tombs, people are buried in Vietnam on their land, so you see all these fairly elaborate tombs in the middle of neighbouring fields. At first I thought it was an extremely large graveyard with plenty of room for future business!

Tight Pockets

Even Ronnie O'Sullivan would have trouble potting on this billiards table in the Reunification Palace!

Lost in Time

Looking like a Dharma Initiative bunker from the TV show Lost, this entertainment console in the techie cubby hole of the Reunification Palace is almost quaint in its datedness.

Yeah, Baby!

Unless you like the 1970s retro look, there is not much point going to see the Reunification Palace (top pic) , one of the major sights to see in Ho Chi Minh city. This is where the South Vietnamese president (backed by the US) held sway until the end of the war in 1975 (which he lost!).

Most of the place is roped off and seemingly hasn't been touched since. All there is really is one meeting room after another. At least the rooms were big so herself and myself could stay well away from each other! The second pic doesn't do justice to the datedness of the place, but it has a cool enough looking helicopter (and tanks) in the grounds.

Bad Day at the Office

We finished the somewhat disappointing half day city tour of Ho Chi Minh City (formerly Saigon) and had a few hours to spare so we decided to get a taxi to a couple of the sights (located in close proximity to each other) that we didn't get to see.

It did not go well. We had a major row in the cab (me and her), the War Museum (read Propaganda Museum) was shut and we were stiffed by the taxi driver who offered to bring us to the relatively close Notre Dame Cathedral (above, guarded by the Virgin Mary herself). Unfortunately, that was an anti-climax and was also shut. Pity, as I wanted to say a few prayers, auntie Agnes!!!

We walked down the street to see the Reunification Palace instead. Even then, there was a tense wait of about 20 minutes for it to open after lunch with herself in a major stew! Things could only get better, couldn't they?

Shrine a Light

The inside of a Buddhist shrine (above) is not unlike a Catholic church. You have an alter with a deity that worshippers pray to, you light incense sticks (instead of candles) and you remember your passed away loved ones. Interestingly, the ashes of the dead are stored on site and pictures of them kept on the walls with messages written to them underneath.

I don't recall ever seeing fruit on an alter at mass though!

Ho Chi Minh City Tour

We were leaving late Sunday afternoon, but we were able to squeeze in a half day tour of the city before we left. I suggested ditching the tour and going for another massage (or 2), but herself didn't buy that!

We got the same guide as the previous day (above, facing camera), but unfortunately our half of the tour was the worst half. The things we most wanted to see appeared to be in the afternoon segment. We should have checked beforehand, I guess, but it was too late to do much about it when you're on the way to the first stop. Mercifully, the city traffic was relatively light on the Sunday morning and we were in a large bus, so no problems there!

Cue another round of fairly uninteresting stops at temples and craft shops and the like. Interestingly, Buddha seems to have been on Slimfast in Vietnam as he doesn't seem quite as rotund as other Buddhas I've seen (and shock, horror, been in!).

We should have gone back for another massage!

Getting Stoned

You would think that having a cute, nubile, young Vietnamese lady dancing on your buttocks would be somewhat erotic! Personally, I found it hilarious as all I could keep thinking was "if only the boys could see me now"!!!

What better way to unwind after an arduous day trip than have a hot stone massage? I didn't quite know what it entailed either, but herself suggested it and I reluctantly agreed! For the princely sum of about €8, I got an 80 minutes full body massage. I wasn't quite sure whose full body this entailed for quite some time as she used her feet, shins, knees, hands, elbows and forearms to, err, do her thing. And before you pervs lose the run of yourselves, this was all above board (although she did do the legs as well!) and no, she did not say "me love you long time". The closest she came was "if it's too hot, you tell me". Quite!

At times it was wonderful and at times it was like being in the Hanoi Hilton, as she kneaded, stomped, cracked and singed her way around the Reilly bod! Those stones were indeed hot, but I figured it was less painful than waxing!! In fact, at one stage, my hirsuteness was the cause of some merriment. There was about 8 tables in the darkened room and herself was getting treated on the next slab. I didn't know (obviously) what the masseuses were saying to each other as "my girl" worked on my hand/arm, but it wasn't difficult to guess. Although they cover your head, I obviously did my best to peek out at every opportunity. My girl got her mate to come over and check out the gorrilla on her table. Cue much giggling, including from me. She then asked me where I was from, to which I replied "the jungle"!

As she finished my second leg, I began to wish I was an octopus, but unfortunately all good things must come to an end. A great end to an eventful day though!

Mekong Delta - Summary

Well, it beat sitting around the hotel or taking your life into your own hands on the streets of the city, but I have to say that there wasn't much exciting or interesting in what we were shown. As mentioned before, they just herd you from one tourist trap to another, as is the case on most tours.

The boat trip in the canoe was probably the best bit, but that was too similar to other trips in canoes in other jungles in other countries that I (Ireland's Bruce Parry!) had seen before. It was good value though, it has to be said. The day trip cost about €9 with lunch and various other snacks thrown in. The guide was a nice chap, but only marginally more understandable in English than his native Vietnamese!

So, save yourself a 15 hour plane trip, risking your life in the city traffic, over 4 hours in a bus, another 4 plus on various boats and just read my blog!!

Bridge Over the River Mekong!

We were a fair bit further away from the impressive suspension bridge linking the mainland to the first island (and on to the other side via other bridges) when I asked herself what were the crane like things on top of each bridge tower.

Err, they're cranes said she! Ask a stupid question and all that. I had seen vehicles moving across the bridge earlier so I had assumed it was finished!

Sean Nós, Vietnamese Style

These 3 lovely ladies "entertained" us with some beautiful high pitched shrieking! The Vietnamese language seemed quite high pitched at the best of times, but these lasses took it to new levels. It was no surprise no notice the absence of dogs in the vicinity (unlike every other site we had been to)!

They were accompanied by several uni- or bi-stringed instruments tuned to unbelievable frequencies! Even the guitar had only 2 highly tensed strings on it. There was also a banjo like device, an instrument that looked like a cross between a hash pipe and a thing Ray Mears would use to light a fire (guy in white shirt) and a shoe box with a diagonal string and flexible pluck (guy on extreme right).

Into the Heart of Darkness

As we headed further and further into the unknown, I thought it would be prudent to go native in case we were attacked by a splinter group who didn't believe the war was really over.

I think the ruse would have worked, although the Irish Times branded polo shirt (Thanks, G!) may have given me away in the end!

Up the Creek with a Paddle

Not a cliche in sight as we were put on canoes and paddled up an ever narrowing channel by a couple of natives!

Do you want a Lift, Boss?

Part of the day trip was by horse and cart. It was like being back in Galway again! The horses may have been small, but they could certainly move at a fair gallop.

Interestingly, I noticed that they were fitted with a nappy of sorts!

Welcome to the Jungle

The jungle on Phoenix Island (No, didn't see any of them either!), where we were brought to yet another tourist shop to watch the natives make stuff that they could try to sell to us!

I half expected Rambo to emerge from the canopy at any moment, but there wasn't even an MIA to be seen!

Vietnamese Architecture 1

As in most of the South East Asian countries that I've visited, there is a huge gap between rich and poor, who often live side by side. And so it was in Vietnam, where a palatial home could be right next to a tin shack. We saw numerous examples beside the road of people living in hovels next to mansions on our 2 hour bus trip to the Delta.

Another notable feature of Vietnamese buildings is that they tend to be very narrow, often seeming just a room wide while perhaps being quite tall and/or deep. I managed to snap examples from the boat. The first picture shows a nice thinnish building (although not nearly as thin as others) that is very close to the tin shacks in the second snap.

Good Morning (in) Vietnam!

Of course, I had to work that phrase in somehow! I guess it was due to the time of year, but we were very lucky with the weather. The temperature was perfect, no humidity to speak of and very little rain. Much nicer than here in Singapore, which was good because on Saturday morning we hit the Mekong Delta on a day trip. The delta is the site of many a war film, but more importantly, where most of Vietnam's rice is produced.

The picture above shows the Mekong River (and the head of a New Zealander!), which is easily the biggest river that I've ever been on. The water is very brown, hopefully because of the mud and silt that it carries to the sea! The far away bank on the right above is only the first island (Unicorn Island - no, didn't spot any!) - the other bank is about a mile away. We hopped into the rickety boat shown and off we went!

Rushing Roulette

Folks, you haven't lived (or more accurately, nearly died!) if you haven't experienced Ho Chi Minh City in the evening rush hour! After safely arriving at the surprisingly modern airport and getting a taxi, we sat back to enjoy the ride to the hotel. Oh, how naive could you be?!

In the various guide books, they said there were lots of motorbikes there, but I didn't think there were THAT many! Apparently, there are 8 million people in the city and 6 million motorbikes/mopeds (there's a song in there somewhere for Katie Melua!), but I think they underestimated it! As we inched through the traffic, thousands upon thousands of biker locals swarmed around us like locusts. Traffic lights and driving on the right were only very loosely complied with and indicators only used as decorations. All road users basically point their machine in the direction they want and go for it regardless of traffic. Some of the 2 wheeled jalopies carried children (up to 3, mostly without helmets), some carried grannies, some girlfriends and some cargo! The picture above was taken on Sunday morning (from a moving bus) at about 9am, so you can imagine what prime time Friday was like!

Unbelievably, to cross the road, those on Shank's mare can only dream about pedestrian crossings that mean anything. You have to forget about the green cross code, launch yourself into the maelstrom and just go for it. I imagine this results in many tourists staying on the same side of the street for their entire stay! It certainly is nervewracking the first few times you try it, but you quickly learn the secret. If you're timid, you'll never get across. Similar to blagging, you have to be confident. If the road users sense you're serious about it (and they will!), they will magically yield and you can put the rosary beads away until you have to cross again!

We finally got to the street the hotel was on only for the taxi driver overshot the runway by about 600 yards. And what did SHE do? Turn around and come back? No. Go around the block? No. Those options would have made sense. Instead, why not just reverse up the busy road, because going forward isn't crazy enough?! I think my life flashed in front of me (or was that behind me as I was looking with some terror out the back window!) several times as the driver backed into the oncoming traffic behind and to the right while avoiding the idling cars and bikes immediately to the left. When we finally convinced her to stop, we then had to negotiate our first road crossing (with luggage) for good measure! If that didn't send me for the brandy, nothing will!

Amazingly, despite the utter chaos, the system as a whole usually works without anyone getting maimed or killed. Basically the small yield to the big, so driving a truck would be useful! However, during the Chinese New Year, I heard 300 got killed on the road in 5 days. I'm just surprised that it's not like that every week. Anyway, we had landed and it was time to start exploring Vietnam (once we got our nerve back, that is!).

Vietnam, Here I Come!

We're heading off now for our first tour of 'Nam, so I shall be off the air until Monday. Unless I find myself bored and in an Internet cafe over there, that is!

I hope to provide a full debriefing on our return from the historic and noble land which has added important cultural phrases like "Me love you long time" to the lexicon of Western civilisation!!

The Guy Down the Polytechnic Swears he's Elvis!

Yes folks, the king is indeed alive. I just got interviewed by a guy called Elvis! He thankfully didn't do any pelvic thrusts or appear to have a penchant for peanut butter and banana sandwiches though! Elvis had two of the Jordanaires with him, one of whom was the point man. While the point man was probably the nicest guy I've ever got interviewed by, I don't think I'm a great fit for this particular job.

It's for a position in the Design School, whereas I'm more of a techie. Despite the job advert seeming suitable, the reality on the ground appears somewhat different. The hours you can expect to work out here are "8.30am - 6pm, plus some evenings and weekends". Sounds like you have to earn those, err, exorbitant salaries out here! Part-time work has to be declared, although I'm not sure how you'd fit it in!

Evil Yoga

Islam is a tolerant religion, unless you're a writer, cartoonist, woman, homosexual, infidel or now yoga practitioner. It was on the news the other day that a fatwa has been issued by Muslim clerics in Malaysia against yoga. Apparently, the Hindu influences in it were deemed to be corrupting on Muslims. Their position on Pilates or the Anderson Method is not clear at this juncture.

I would like to make it clear at this point that I have great respect for all religions, especially ones based on the teachings of prophets such as Muhammad.

Allahu Akbar.

Bombs Away!

The last thing you need to see on the TV on the eve of your visit to the most bombed country on earth (Vietnam) is a piece on schoolkids getting maimed by stepping on unexploded ordinance from the conflict in the 60s/70s. I shall definitely be sticking to the beaten track when I get there! There was also a tropical storm there last week, so portents not exactly positive.

The TV report also showed the locals making fences and so on out of old bomb casings. That reminded me of my grandparents' place in deepest, darkest Mayo! There was an old bomb casing from world war 2 there that I used to play with as a child until I heard it ticking!!!

Job Latest

Well, I've been applying for a steady stream of jobs and I've been receiving a steady stream of no responses! As I said before, this is par for the course out here. You never know if you will hear about any of them again until an email or letter appears out of the blue.

My best chance vis-a-vis visa (apologies for all the vises!!) sponsorship is the lecturing post by all accounts. I'm not expecting to hear from the one interview I had for that for at least another week or so. In the meantime, I shall be sending more CVs into the black hole of cyberspace!

STOP PRESS: Since drafting this post, I have received word of another interview. It's in the same place as before, but for a lecturing job in a different department. I'm determined to get in there! This time it is for a multimedia post, which is what I got my Masters in. It's on Friday morning, so I'll have time to nip up there before heading off to the airport in the afternoon (to go to Vietnam). One worrying thing is I was asked to "bring any work I have to we can talk about it". Err, what work?! I guess I'll print off a few web pages!

Wish me luck!

Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word

I'm no expert on Mandarin (Chinese), but I'm fairly sure that "Excuse me", "I'm sorry" and "after you, old chap" are among the least used phrases in it! I went on about this on my last trip (see here), and it has to be said that manners here are still appalling by our standards!

I know it's a different culture and everything, but really, why should common courtesy become a cropper? It really is every man, woman or beast for him/herself out here. Whether it's on public transport, at doorways or in crowded areas, you just put the head down and mow down all in your path until you reach your destination. Step on someone's (size 11!) foot? Don't bother apologising! Indeed, why not try again and get the toes you missed the first time?! The library has young kids running amok, constant mobile phone interaction and unmuted laptops. Sometimes, you think it would be quieter in a nightclub!

In mitigation, I did see a guy give his seat to an old timer on the bus the other day. Then someone had to give me one as I fainted from the shock!!!

Metrosexual Revolution!

Unfortunately, you can't keep a good woman down! She's at it again. You can take the text of this old post (particularly item 2) verbatim!!! The only slight difference is that even more heinous suggestions are being mooted! Once again, dear readers, be assured that I will stand steadfast against the female tyranny!

Funnily enough, I thought I coined the term "androforming" for my other blog, but apparently not!

Come Back RTE, All is Forgiven!

I remember giving out about the TV here before on my previous expedition, but it really is terrible! There is no public service broadcaster as such, just a commercial operator that spends most of its air time advertising its crappy programmes (either on the current channel or one of its other crappy channels!) or just recycling the same adverts!

They have a free to air channel for each of the official languages (English, Malay, Mandarin & Tamil) and an Asian news channel in English. Each are bad, but the Malay & Tamil ones look especially chronic! The TV shows on the English channel are worse than before. You get the odd decent show (usually a season behind as it's cheaper to buy) and the odd decent movie, but the ads would drive you insane trying to watch them. Thank God for the Internet!

While in Harvey Norman (the feicker is here too, but thankfully without the annoying ads!) the other day, I asked herself why would you want a fancy flat screen TV when there's nothing to watch on it?! She assures me that you have to have cable here, which is the cat's pyjamas apparently. I'll believe that when I see it!

Incidentally, they had a 103 inch plasma TV going in Harvey Norman for about €50,000. I asked herself did she think we should get it for the home cinema room. She was not amused!

HIV Paranoid

While on the subject of health matters, I thought I detected a certain paranoia here about AIDS. There are a lot of ads on the telly about it and all foreigners looking to stay here must have a HIV test (including me!). There is even an AIDS plot line in a Chinese soap opera (subtitled and it has cute chicks in it!!).

However, herself told me that world AIDS day is December 1st and that was why there were so many ads about it. She also told me that pregnant women are also tested here for AIDS (true) and "encouraged" to have abortions if positive. I don't know if that's true, as it would be pretty shocking if it was. Official sources say treatment reduces the chances of passing on the virus from 25% to 2%. I wonder what is really happening on the ground though.

In Sickness and in Health....

...it's probably cheaper to be in Singapore! Well, for the sick part anyway! Came down with a nasty sore throat, headache and fever yesterday so headed to a doctor today. While waiting, a woman came in with a plastic bag, into which she puked every third step. Must remember to stay away from the seafood around there!

Got into the doctor who told me it was a viral infection and I should drink plenty water and rest. No problem - I've been doing that most days anyway! She came me a load of medication to take and the whole bill came to about €19! At home, you'd be looking at €50 for the doctor and about €200 for the pharmacist!!!!!

Like most services in Singapore, the doctor speaks English and Chinese. Imagine having to know all those medical terms and ailments in 2 languages? I would have thought it was bad enough in one!

Mystery Island!

If you think it was hard to figure out how people were affording houses in Dublin (or Galway for that matter) during the good old boom years, you'd be doubly perplexed over here.

In Singapore, the average salary for a well qualified, middle class, non-managerial position seems to be of the order of 24000 Euro per annum, well below the Irish average industrial wage. Yet, the cost of housing has skyrocketed here in the last few years. You basically have 2 choices; a private condo/apartment or public housing.

The condos are very expensive (even more so than Dublin in its hey day) with the cheapest 2 bedroom unit in the less salubrious neighbourhoods starting at about 400,000 Euro and heading sharply north after that. If you want to rent one, it can cost anything from 1200-4000 Euro/month. Mathematicians reading this will note that this would be a fair whack out of the average monthly salary!

The other option is public housing, which by all accounts, what the ordinary locals have to go for. These high rise flats, called HDB (Housing Development Board) flats, are roughly the equivalent of a council estate at house (like the old Ballymun, but without the horses and the gougers!!!) are considerably cheaper, but even these have become very expensive in recent times.

Now while tax and interest rates are very low here and the market has softened a little, I still can't understand who's filling the condos! There are only so many expats on packages (and not nearly as many as you'd think apparently), high earning managers and successful business people in the place. I don't think they pack 'em ten to a room either, so it beats me!

Given the meagre salary I can expect here, you don't have to be a genius to work out the long term inviability of the situation! And God help you if you have sprogs. Private schooling is expensive and a must over here, unless you want your kid spreaking the incomprehensible gibberish commonly known as Singlish!

Me Hearties!

This post is especially for any Somali pirates who may happen across this blog! A lot of the above ships will be heading your way in the next few days, so take your pick! Just kidding, Big Brother - this is an old photo!

I went for my first walk (this visit!) on the beach side promenade yesterday evening. It was a nice evening for it as the temperature was just about perfect. I had forgotten about the number of ships that are always anchored off the south of the island. It really is like the picture every day as Singapore is a major port on a major shipping route.

Funnily enough, I met one of the guys who interviewed me last Friday while out walking. He was only about 1 of 3 people that I had chatted with (excluding house mates) since I arrived and I bumped into him in a city/country of almost 5 million on a prom miles away from where he works. I guess it really is a small world!

Apple Bread

I'm working my way through the different types of bread they have here! In addition to mushroom, custard and kaya bread (all nice!), I happened across apple bread today.

Looking at the individual spherical entities, it wouldnt have surprised me if they had wrapped some dough around a full apple. However, after I bought one, I found that there the inside was mostly air with some apple (like you get in a pie) and, shock horror, gooey cream of some description. While it contravened several of my dietary laws, I ate it anyway and very nice it was too!

Happy Christmas Everyone!

Since everyone is getting in the mood for it already over here, I thought I'd join the club! Last week, all the decorations went up and now every shopping centre is piping Christmas carols non-stop to all its patrons.

It's a bit odd as it's only mid November, but if they want to extend the jolly season, that's fine by me!

Every Cloud has a Silver Lining

After leaving the embassy, my next port of call was the home of an Irish contact who had thoughtfully invited me round to dispense some advice. This was one half of a married couple who are friends of a brother of a guy I worked with in Dublin! We had swapped emails and I got an invite to a face to face.

It wasn't too far from the embassy and when the taxi dropped me at the door, I'm sure she thought I came via the swimming pool! However, I got some great tips on the social and work scene here. On the former, I got the names of some organisations to join and on the latter, I got confirmation on the grim prospects for someone coming here looking for a decent job. The only way to get a decent paying job here really is to be sent here on an ex-pat package, which usually has accommodation and kids' schooling built in.

Anyway, I headed back across the island again after that and was finally delighted to get back to chez moi. And yes mum, I changed immediately!

When it Rains, it Pours!

Myself and herself have decided to go to Vietnam for the weekend of the 28th. She has the Friday off and hell, I have the whole week off! It will be nice to add another country to the visited list and see how different it is from the movies. I don't expect to engage Charlie or inhale any napalm, but Ho Chi Minh City (formerly Saigon) should be interesting nonetheless!

I had booked the ticket when I realised I hadn't checked the visa situation. Sure enough, I need one, although herself doesn't. This morning I had to go across the island to the Vietnamese embassy and boy did I get drenched?! It started lashing (and I mean lashing!) as I started the short walk from the bus stop. Despite having an umbrella, I got soaked down to and including the kacks! I also got lost and was beginning to worry about holding a metallic rod in a thunder storm when I finally found the place. To make matters worse, the new Nike Air trainers that I had worn for comfort were busy de-skinning my heels!

It was there that I discovered I had destroyed an important document that was soaked inside my bag. Herself suggested I bring it, although I didn't need it. Luckily my passport had a protective cover, so damage to that was minimal. I was mad with myself for forgetting to protect them more. Then I had to fork out about €40 for a visa for a 2 day trip and to cap it all, I had to wait ages in soggy clothes on the embassy porch (technically I was in Vietnam!) for a taxi. The fact that my phone was low on juice or I didn't know any taxi numbers didn't help the anxiety level!

I have to go back to the embassy again next week to collect my passport and visa. I will check the forecast carefully beforehand!

First Interview Over

Well, it went fine, but it was more of an informal chat. I dazzled them with my, err, dazzling personality! I bought some fancy new duds this morning and for a change, I was looking well and not a bit of blue in sight!

I have to wait for a few weeks to see if I have passed the first hurdle and qualify for the formal inquisition. It's going to drag out a bit, then! I was interviewed for two different jobs at the same time - a first for me. When they saw my CV, they brought in a lecturing guy to quiz me (as well as the person who was interrogating me for the development job!). I had to be somewhat diplomatic when asked which job I would prefer!

I figure I have a better shot at the lecturing gig, but come what may, I'll just have to resign myself to the low pay over here. They were somewhat amused when they heard about the contact hours I had in NUI, Galway. Unfortunately, if I get the gig, the workload will triple/quadruple and the remuneration will halve (at least). Pity it wasn't the other way around!

She says tomato, I say tomayto!

In looking up how to get to my interview destination using the public transport system, I caused some consternation with herself when I pronounced "Tampines" as tam-pines. I guess 99% of Ang Mohs (Caucasians) would do the same, but they'd be wrong!

The actual pronunciation is tamp-in-ees and when I enquired how the hell I was supposed to know that, it didn't cut much ice with herself. I must point out Drogheda or Graiguenamanagh on a map and get her to pronounce them to gain revenge!!!!

Singapore Open 2008

The Singapore Open Golf tournament is on this week (good timing!), so I headed down to Sentosa Island to see it. Sentosa is a small resort Island just off the south of Singapore and it took about 80 minutes by bus and subway from chez moi.

It was great to see some big names in action, including Adam Scott, Phil Mickelson and Padraig Harrington (naturally!). They make it look so easy! The course looked great, but unfortunately the weather was more like Belmullet than anywhere else, with persistent rain and wind!

I followed Harrington (picture above shows him splashing out at the 4th) until play was suspended due to thunder and lightning. I waited around for a while but it didn't look good, so I reluctantly decided to hit for home. Still, it was an enjoyable day, even if it came to a premature end.